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(I hear that some are having problems posting comments? Dont know what's wrong too, if you encounter probs, do let me know via sms or email, I shd see if I can do something about it..:)) Health Scare This morning was yet another health scare. My concerned parents have been nagging me about the old injury on my foot blogged about months ago which still has not healed. Mom pokes at it every morning while waking me up. I know it sounds scary, and it got scarier with my mom's constant reminders that i should go do a check-up. In my more logical mind, I thought I was probably alright cos it doesnt look that bad to me, and I am not having other symptoms. Nevertheless, I decided to put my mind at ease and heed the advice to visit the doc this morning. I prayed about it in the early morning, while giving thanks for a great day I had yesterday and for everything else. He gave me the strength and courage to make my way out to the doc, while at the same time with a loud amd obvious warning, "Hey gal, start taking care of your diet. Have you noticed the many signs I have put around you all the time. You know your lifestyle of luxury. ... GIVE IT UP. Continue to eat, of cos, but cut out snacks, oily and sweet food, and exercise regularly. " It is very tough. but if others can do it, why not I? I came back alright from the doc's visit, (thank God!) with the male doc seeming amused at my sposed over-anxiety. I found more posters about it, and even some very practical advice about keeping a healthy diet and lifestyle ( tips to cut fatty food, exercise regularly, reduce stress). So all those food that caused guilt should be avoided... and all nice food are in-edible! urghs. With the exception of once a week at most. So watch me and watch yourselves, people. Suddenly, I understand how those patients feel. Yet, I thank God for it cos He's so great, to care for me to such detail. To smack me in the face early so that I can start keeping a clean and healthy diet and lifestyle now, plus slowly get back into shape! Wow! :D Long weekend Blissful, blissful long weekend. Ahhhhhhhhhh.......... I couldnt believe the peace and happiness I felt yesterday morning sitting at the bus-stop waiting to go sentosa to meet up with the LS pple. The morning sunshine, my own time ahead. No need to rush around and have time to even distance myself and reflect abt the work. (taboo!) I thought I probably enjoy holidays alone and not have to put up and adapt to different ppl. Yet, it is contradictory. When your personal time is packed with meeting pple, you wished you had time to nua and do everything you ever wanted to, like read all ur fave books and listen to all those wonderful songs you never have time for. Yet, when you are alone, like I am for most part of today, you wished to be with people. Crazy rite, tsk tsk. Yesterday was a wonderful day out at Sentosa beach with the LS pple. Although initially, I had wondered whether I would really enjoy it, cos after all, I never particularly liked large group outings unless there is at least one person I am quite close to. And also, memories of past outings with them did not make it promising, there must be reasons I stopped going since abt a year ago? Yet, LISS had been an awesome experience, and Catholic/Christian communities are really a treasure... it is really great to journey together with people who share your faith. It turned out great with half of them being newcomers to the community. Despite the external differences in personalities and unpredictable group dynamics, it was nice to remember that underneath the surface we all hold on to the same faith, and that was the root to greater empathy and care for one another. It was a nua-ing day as we strolled towards to beach, chitchatting. I enjoyed the morning sun and the happy and excited faces around as groups of friends and family came out to play on National Day. It was heartwarming to see parents with their toddlers, lovers, youngsters playing games, people with their pets. We had fun playing frisbee and all got sunburnt after that. Had a satisfying lunch at Subway. I shopped a little a vivo and bought a dress and pants after that. And we all caught the thrilling movie, Bourne Ultimate at night. It is rather intriguing, catch it! :) After that, returned home with red-lobster P (after the sun burn) and J. Chatted with J abt the ministry she is trying to set up, the recent desaru trip, speaking in tongues, our enjoyable day at sentosa etc. Also kind of made up with Ja whose corny and insensitive jokes pissed me a few times during the outing, and the off-humour doesnt exactly make him popular with the rest. But I think he knew I was getting abit pissed, so the nice chat abt our work and leave and bosses during the ride home kinda reminded me that he is really rather nice a person. After all, I still remem his wise remark when we were in desaru, "it is the company that matters." (it is not ironic.) After reaching home to a nice warm bath and hot soup, and a comfotable nua-ing time chatting with the rarely indulgent younger bro who was missed when he was away at Army (I have been seeing him abt 5 mins per week on Sats). I was reading papers and him, Harry Potter. He lent his music CDs as well, which I unfortunately fell asleep listening to. We wanted to call in Mac breakfast this morning, if not for my needing to see doc. I still cant reconcile the speed at which he is growing up. But am immensely proud at the fine young person he is becoming and the filial piety he shows to parents and niceness to people around. He is no kiddo anymore (to be bossed around by me or be influenced by my ideas) but increasingly with opinions of his own. But that makes it more challenging and interesting now I guess. On Moving On On a rare day of rest at home, I had the chance to surf the net (see, interrupted by dad again who broke my string of thoughts. I have an issue with communicating with him.. n being not pissed at him. God help.) and read about others' lives. I dont know if it is denial, that there are some things I did not like to read, and they still disturb me today. They have been surfacing in my mind, whether or not consciously, ever since that outing with one and the sms exchange with another. Having to face things and relationships from the past made me wonder how much I have really changed. Am I in denial, or have I truly changed? How could I erase the past and pretend it never existed? How much of the person from almost a decade ago is the real me, and just how much can and should a person change? Do I, if given a choice, want to go back to the past and who I was before? I believe I have considered these before, and I do not regret the journeys I have taken thus far to make me who I am today. These include all the pains and chains of envy, jealousy, insecurities, rejection, self doubts and self-loathe. And yes, indeed, I have changed. And no, I do not wish to return to who I was before. After progessing to where I am today. I have come to accept that there are some things I cannot change. Wherever I 'progress' to be, I have to be reminded that some things will always exist the way they do (even if i pretend that they are gone). And I have to adapt to that and co-exist. It may be the best way, to know that things are going well on the other side, and at the same time continue to treasure in my own way the things and people I still love.
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