| Current mood: |  thoughtful |
| Current music: | Jaded (These Years)-Mest featuring Benji Madden |
My Heart Bared To The World
So...here I am, a kid in high school, with a ton of friends, a lot of luck and I still feel lonely. How sad is that? You know how people say that, the most painful thing to do is love someone who doesn't love you back? Well, I know what they mean now. It's sad, I know but it's how I feel. And no one can take that away from me. It's not like the kid is being mean in not loving me back, he doesn't even know that I care that much. I know I don't stand a chance with him, I never did and never will but...there's still that TINIEST bit of hope in me that he'll come rescue me. That sooner or later he's gonna come into my door and save me from the place that I live. Why would I want to be saved? Because I don't belong here. Johanna understands what I mean. She feels it too and she's waiting for her own Superman to come save her from the hellhole she doesn't deserve living in. She's waiting for him to prove that things will be okay. Just like I'm waiting. Jesus, this is really insane. I know I'm not the only kid in the world who feels like this about someone. And I know I'm not the only one who cares about this kid but...I don't know. I don't care if all of the things I feel turn this into something with him because right now, I'm at the point where loving him this much is enough. I don't need to fall in love, and if he doesn't feel the same way about me then it's okay because loving him is enough for me. Besides, everything happens for a reason, right? And if that reason is for his happiness then I'm all for it. I could hold it if it's for his own good...if that's the case I could hold it in forever. Well, it looks like I will. I just hope that whoever does get him realizes what a damn lucky woman she is.
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