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Lucy (jadednhopeless2) wrote,
@ 2003-07-24 06:02:00
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    Current mood: confused
    Current music:Wasting My Time-Mest (I couldn't have said it better myself)

    Sleepy Insanity and Getting My Hopes Up For ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!!!
    I've been up since 3:45 this morning (basically I only got 4 1/2 hours of sleep). I've been up all this time thinking about someone (no it's not *him*). It's the other one. Why did I have to have this on my mind? Why can I see everything so clearly, I just don't understand. Now all I can think about is the other one and *him* (the whole supposed "girlfriend" situation with a chick that I'm apparently gonna meet soon since she's comin' to town). I just wanna fucking cry. This is driving me crazy. I mean, why this kid? Why now? Why in such a way? Why was it him in a such a way and not *him*? This might get confusing after a while but I don't wanna mention any names because it would hurt people. That includes me too. All I want is some happiness and all I'm getting is depression. I'm getting my hopes up for something that'll never happen either way. I'm not that lucky. I don't know what to do anymore. This is really breaking my heart. Now I can't sleep because of all this bullshit and I'm wondering "Is it worth it?". Earlier I was wondering "Are they worth it?" and after thinking about the people they are (not the titles that they're given by others), I came up with the conclusion that they are worth it. Both of them. But then I realize that I'll never be good enough for either of them. Maybe that's why I'm not happy. Because I'm not worth it, therefore it'll never happen. Apparently I deserve to be unhappy since that's all I've been lately. Isn't it a pain in the ass to wanna cry so badly but the tears won't come out? I hate that. Sometimes I hate being strong. This is one of those times. I wanna curl up in a ball and cry. I've got plenty of tears.

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