|Current mood:|| depressed|
|Current music:||Stupid Girl-Cold|
The Meaning Behind "jadednhopeless2"
So this is what heartbreak feels like...dammit, I wish I could've gone longer without knowing. It was perfectly fine when I had no idea what it was. But now...shit has gone down the drain. I feel like the biggest dick for even having faith in what I had hoped for. As if my family, my friends and this stupid prom I have to go to weren't enough, more problems get laid on my head. This is one that I can't solve though. It's not my place. It just is what it is. My name for this is right. I am hopeless. Things for me always go wrong. I fucking hate it. Why me? Why didn't I just leave well enough alone. Why did I have to admit to myself what it is that I really have going thru my head and in my heart? I had to be the dumbass. I HAD TO DO THE STUPID THING! DAMMIT. And they say that the teenage years are the best of your life...YEAH RIGHT! Mine sucked for the most part. Loneliness has been my best friend for years and it looks like it's gonna stay that way the rest of my pathetic little life. I've lost all hope in being happy. My friends are gonna get their happy endings, I'm not. I'm destined for failure apparently. In life, love, school. I can't do anything right. That's why no one ever took the chance on me. And 'cuz to them, I'm not good enough. I've been told that before. I'm just too much of a friend, I'm "just like one of the guys", I'm not pretty enough, I'm too fat, I love rock, blah blah blah. All words that I've heard before. All explanations I've heard before. All of them suck. I think I should just accept reality and move the fuck on but I know I won't, I'm a teenager, we never listen. Right now, all I wanna know is if I'm gonna be happy. If i'm gonna find what it is I need. I just need...assurance. I need to know if this is all gonna be worth it. But until I get that, I'll sit here with tears in my eyes, holding back the things I should've held back from the start and trying not to fall apart...but I think that process has already begun.
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