|Current mood:|| frustrated|
|Current music:||Change-Good Charlotte and Dead On Arrival-Fall Out Boy|
It looks like the guy I wanna be with more than anything in the world is slipping through my fingers. ::sigh:: God, I hate this. I wish I never felt like this. UGH! It's so frustrating to feel like this, I just wanna cry. I can't though. It's like, something is stopping me from crying and I have NO idea what it is. I never know anything do I? I just want answers for once in my fucking life. Sitting here waiting for him to come around isn't helping me, even though I'd do it forever. I just need a fucking life. I need for him to make me hate him 'cuz I...I don't even know. I'm just gonna not finish that sentence before I say something I'll regret or something that'll piss Johanna off if she reads this. I just hate how every fucking time I look at the kid, how I feel gets worse and worse. IT REALLY FUCKING SUCKS! And it sucks even more b/c I know I'll never get him. I know it. I hope that what I'm saying is wrong but that hope that I live off of everyday, that I go through my day with, that I thrive off of when I look at him is really, really, really tiny. I swear it haunts me too. I don't even know why I have hope. I'm waiting for something to happen that never will happen. I'm a fucking dreamer and that's all this is...a stupid dream. A childish dream that's never gonna come true. Right now, that dream needs to disappear so I can regain some of my sanity. 'Cuz if I keep on with this love thing, I'm gonna explode into waterfalls of fucking tears. And I've had to cry a lot of those lately, I don't think I can cry anymore tears.
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