| Current mood: | content |
| Current music: | Brand New - The Boy Who Blocked His Own Shot |
Call me a safe bet...
Do you ever feel like people are out to kill things for you? Well maybe that's exaggerating it a little. But come on, someone told Matt that me and Jessica were cheating on our partners with each other and someone told Pierre that I hate him.. they're both fucking false. Yeah. Why the hell do people keep spreading lies about me.
When we were in Japan, I got a break from all the work and I called Mandy expectin' to hear her at least a little happy to be hearing from me. But she wasn't.. instead she was quiet and distant. She wouldn't tell me why either, she told me to ask Benj. So that's what I did. Turns out someone started some bullshit rumor or somethin about me and Jess Alba. They told Matt that me and her were more than friends and Matt told Mandy. Yeah, it blew up. I don't even know how or why it got started. So Benj told me he'd cover for me, and I flew back to the States to try to fix things with Mandy. I showed up at her door with my suitcase in hand and she just leaned against the doorframe and looked at me. I don't know if she meant to make me feel un-welcome, but that's what I felt. I knew she was upset though, and as uncomfortable as it was to be standing there while she just stared at me, it's not like I was just gonna walk away and let her stay upset. Especially when it's about somethin that's not even true. She asked me what I was doing there and I explained that I flew in to see her, that I needed to talk to her face to face. She let me inside, and we sat on the couch. I can't even remember what I said now. I was so nervous and pretty tired of always having to apologize for all the bullshit that keeps happening. In all honesty I didn't really have a reason to apologize. I didn't do anything wrong. But Mandy just needed that reassurance.
We kinda talked for a little while and then she made her way upstairs and said she was going to bed. So I pulled out my phone and dialed a few numbers. I talked to Jess and I talked to Matt. Me and Jess just kinda sat there with a "whoa where the hell did this come from" conversation going on. Plus reassuring each other that we wouldn't lose our sig others. With Matt.. he was pretty upset. I explained that me and Jess were just friends and that I didn't know why that rumor got started. I don't know if he believed me or not, he didn't seem to. But I guess that's to be expected. He wouldn't tell me who told him me and Jess were together though. He said, "If it's not true, then why does it matter." ....Heh. It matters cause I'd like to pound my fist into whoever thought it would be funny to fuck things up between me and my wife. For no reason. For absolutely no fucking reason.
After I got off the phone, I made my way upstairs and found Mandy lying in bed with her head buried underneath a pillow. I didn't say anything. I just stepped inside the room and sat down at the end of the bed. I guess she felt the bed move or somethin cause she looked over at me. Then I asked her what she thought of me... eh. If I could take that back I probably would, because the answer is somethin' that killed me.
"I think...I don't know you anymore."
It was like a knife through my chest. I'm pretty sure my heart stopped for at least 3 seconds there until I finally answered. I know I've been distant from her in the past, I know I stopped talkin' to her, I'd leave the house, and she wouldn't see me for days. I'd go home, but I'd leave before even saying good morning to her. I know I fucked up. But I'm trying to make up for it. I'm trying to make things right between us. And I'm not gonna rest until we're fine again, until she can look at me and know and trust that I'm always gonna be there for her.
I explained that to her.. then she burst into tears and I rushed over to her side. I pulled her into my arms and I tried my best to reassure her. It's not fair that she has to go through this. It's not fair that we have to be going through this. So many people claim we have the perfect happy marriage and assume that whatever fights we have are solved with a kiss and a cookie or somethin. Sorry but it's not that perfect, we're not that perfect. When people talk about us they make our marriage sound like something off of Leave It To Beaver, but we're more complicated than that. The truth is is that you work hard for what you want, if you want a happy marriage you put in the time and effort and hopefully reap the benefits. We've done that, me and Mandy have put in plenty of time and effort, and we reap the benefits, but that doesn't mean we won't ever hit bumps in the road. And yeah, those bumps can't just be magically fixed with a kiss.
We're doing better though. She proposed to me. Heh. I love her with all of my heart.
We had a good day yesterday. Paul watched the kids.. thanks man. While me and Mandy basically.. ran around and acted like kids. We got this shopping cart and went up to a nearby convenience store. Got a bunch of candy and threw it in, Mandy hopped into the basket and I ran while pushing the cart back to the house. Something was wrong with the cart though cause I kept losing control of it. Hahah. We kinda went out into the street and scared the shit out of Mandy. By the time we got back to the house she was hunched down in the cart, completely covered with the candy and chips we'd gotten.
The next part is kinda hard to explain but I'll do my best. See I was panting from all the running I'd done and she handed me a soda. So I gulped the whole thing down and then Mandy jumped me. And when I say jumped.. I really mean.. jumped. Her legs around my waist and lips on lips. I don't have a clue where that came from, but I wasn't about to argue with her. Then we went inside and.. you can guess what happened. God I love her.
Now I'm gonna talk about Jess. This thing was hella long and she probably won't even read it to see that I wrote somethin' about her here. But's it's cool. I almost feel like I can't say anything about her because of what happened. I don't want to have to feel like I should hide our friendship just so people won't assume that we're fucking behind our partner's backs. So I'm not going to. We're friends, she's quickly becoming one of my closest friends. I'm not really sure how it happened. All I know is that I'm comfortable when I'm around her, I really feel like I've known her for awhile. And because we're both in love with other people, I'm married, she's engaged. I guess it makes it easier to relate to one another. We give each other advice. When one of us is feelin' like shit the other one helps make them feel better. When things have started messing up for me, she was right there reassuring me that Mandy still loves me and wants to be with me. You know, sometimes that's all a guy needs to hear to feel better about his marriage. To hear someone else say that it's gonna be aight. So thanks Jessi. Oh, and congrats to her and Matt on their engagement. I get to be Maid of Honor at her wedding by the way, I'll be there wearing my Vans and a dress down to my ankles. I know you're all jealous.
On a final note. I love Mandy. I think I'll take her out tonight.
You are the smell before rain
You are the blood in my veins
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 j__alba
2003-08-06 15:02
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Awe! I did read it -grins- SEEEEEEE -laughs-
Lurker >:o GET ONLINE. I'm all hyper and no one to scare.
And you are like, my closest guy friend. And I think you'd make a better ring bearer...-laughs- but i'll like, tie the rings to the pillow to make sure you don't loose them.
[ WOMAN GET THE FUCK ONLINE NOW. ](Reply to this) (Thread) |
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sarah_denmark
2003-08-15 13:02
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i know u have your own problems and all, but i have a huge one, and can u give me some kinda advice.? i know it's a little strange, cuz we don't know each other, but my friends is like 'we can't help, cuz we don't know how u fell' and yeah, they don't. but hellllooo, i have a problem, at least they can do is listen, but anyways, i just broke up with the perfect bf, cuz i think i have feelings for another person.. i know u don't break up with the perfect bf cuz u think u like another guy, but i did.. there is just something about him, i can't explain.. i'm gonna get to the point here: i wanna get back with my x, cuz he is the perfect dad to my kid and i love him, but there is something about the other guy there is so unique and special.. kinda what u and mandy have i guess, i wouldn't now, but anyways, who sounds right? i know u don't normal ask a person u don't know a question like this, but i really need another answer than 'we don't know what u feel'.. just think about it, and if u don't wanna answer i'll understand..
SaRaH(Reply to this) (Thread) |
| so sweet
(Anonymous)
2003-08-19 14:21
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ok first off mandy you are so lucky! if you didn't know that already i'm tellin gyou joel is so good to you and you are so good to joel i wish you the best of luck with the twins n shit! peace. (Reply to this) (Thread) |
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