My Heart Speaks (iwishyouknew) wrote, @ 2004-10-04 00:38:00

Oh Dear Blurty, if anyone will listen, you will
My heart hasn't felt this amount of grief in a million years. You can never know how hard it is to find out, by accident that your favorite person in the entire world is gone forever, and no one bother to tell you.

Of coures this time it is not a matter of I'm not worth, but more of a matter that we are not worthy. This evening I got another one of my feelings, that I dread, yet this time I wasn't feeling dread, yet I was feeling the need to reach out.

I have know idea how long it has been, but finally today I took the step to finally reach my uncle.

I didn't speak to him personally, but I feel I should have insisted that I speak to him.

The only man, that I felt like was my grandpa passed away on Monday...last week.

The last time I saw him was at my father's death bed, when daddy confessed to him exactly why he was going to die. In an instant, we the family daddy had was disowned. They didn't bother to call us, they didn't care if we would care, or cry. I am at this point the only one who knows. I will break the news to my mother, and I am sure her heart will break, just as mine did tonight.

I was a teenager when the two of them celebrated their 50th wedding anniversary, now I am 35. So I guess the two of them were married 74, maybe 75 years...hell they were married 70 something years!!!! How many people do you know married 70 something years, let alone 20 something years.

On their 50th wedding anniversary, they got married again in the traditional old school Catholic style. Their reception was amazing, yet very low budget. The two of them danced just like they did as kids. They jitterbigged till I was out of breath, and I was not even dancing. I was scared that they would die right then and there from a heart attack, old people like them really shouldn't have such energy. Then came the time for the money dance. Daddy handed me some money, so I could dance with Uncle Skip. I pinned the money on him, and he picked me up, placed my feet on his, and we slow danced together. "Mija, you know I love you don't you? One day, I hope you find the happiness I have right now. He hugged me close, and we danced." Aunt Jo came from behind us, tapped me on my arm, I looked at Aunt Jo and hugged her, as we hugged she promised me, that all the happiness she had would oneday be mine. "Karri, Mija, God has a man out there made just for you, Just like your Uncle Skip was made for me. You don't have to look for him, because God will send him to you."

Aunt Jo is a very wise woman, and her days are fading very soon. I remember the day We introduced my then husband to the family. Aunt Jo pulled me a side. "Karri, Mija, I know you are happy now, but this is not the man for you, remember when I told you God has the man made especially for you? I have seen him, and this is not the man. We will love him because you love him, but between you and I, I know what your man looks like, and you have not married the right one."

Now, I can't help but think she was right, it took me all these years to finally figure out what she was really saying. Honestly, I thought she just didn't like my now EX. Now I think that she really did have a vision of who it was God made for me.

There is so much pain in this entry, yet I am at peace. There is one more angel looking after me and the ones I love tonight. Tomorrow, I may cry, but good memories are all I have.

	shared_solitude 2004-10-04 10:31 (link)
	*big big hugs* Thank God you have wonderful memories to cherish. (Reply to this) (Thread)

	soulwhispers 2004-10-04 17:50 (link)
	Praying for you! *hugs* (Reply to this) (Thread)

	sophiaysf 2004-10-04 23:35 (link)
	This entry brought a tear to my eye... I really think your Aunt Jo is great... Sometimes they just know it all don't they? And we just wished that somehow we would listen... and we didn't... But the greatest thing is that they will never come back to u and say 'I told you so'.... Their love is so immeasurable… (Reply to this) (Thread)