| Current mood: |  numb |
| Current music: | SoaD, Chop Suey |
System Down...
I feel... off. Like something in me isn't working right. I've been wandering around for the past few days feeling kind of spaced out... heh... space monkey. So yes... I'm in space monkey mode, and it's getting kind of old. I dunno.... I talk to certain people, and it's like I'm watching myself speak, or type in the little AIM window, and I don't know how it is that I'm speaking or typing coherently... because I'm not THINKING coherently. I think I've been going to bed too late, and then getting up too early. I need to just SLEEP for a good 14 hours or so... but I know I can't... not for a very long time... I have too much WORK to do. I have too much SHIT to deal with. Stupid school. Stupid everything. Ever want to just curl up into a ball and just... sleep till you can't sleep anymore... or cry till there's nothing left in you to let out? I think I'd like to do both... I haven't cried in a long time... not since last semester, and it was because of something stupid.. I was watching a sad movie or something. So that really didn't count. No, the last time I REALLY CRIED was like... 2 years ago. I feel stupid for crying over that, so I'm not going to say what it was I was so upset about. Just believe me... it wasn't worth crying over. (and no, it wasn't ANYTHING at all to do with a guy)...ugh. I'm so tired of feeling this way... mainly because I don't feel like I should be allowed to feel this way. There is no justification for the way I'm feeling right now-- I should be HAPPY. There are other people here who are ALLOWED to feel crappy, dammit. I just feel like I'm being a whiny little bitch. And that's not cool. Honestly-- what the hell is wrong with me? I'm single, but I'm happy with that; my workload here is NOT that bad, usually; I have some AMAZING friends here... I SHOULD BE HAPPY, DAMMIT!!!! I don't even know what I am... I'm not happy, but I'm not depressed... I'm just... blah. I'm going home this weekend... maybe the time away from here will help me sort out my feelings. You know what? I just realized why it is that I feel like I shouldn't be allowed to bitch... it's because the problems I'm having are the same problems that EVERYONE is having. Everyone else is able to deal with life, so why can't I lately? Ugh, I need to be rebooted or something. .::*SYSTEM DOWN*::.
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 | Hmm...
(Anonymous)
2003-03-28 19:01
(link) |
Hello there.
I just have to say, that I'm feeling the same way right now. Or, at least, I feel similar to how I've interpretted what you said there. I'm kinda at a lost for what to do with myself - wanting to do something significant but not really wanting to do anything.
Its odd, but I find it somehow refreshing to find you in this sort of mood right now. It seems like you've presented yourself to me as one devoid of emotion, or at least of erratic or unexplainable emotion, but that no longer seems to be the case. You're as flawed as myself, even if you show it even less often than me. Interesingly enough, last time I cried was last night... while I was walking down the street at 1AM feeling like shit. Heh, I hope nobody reads this blog of yours.
I just wanna give you a big ol' hug - as much to find something to do with myself as to comfort you 'cause yer feeling off.
*wonders if you can even tell who this is*(Reply to this) (Thread) |
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