 | FOLD ME DOWN DEEP, DEEP IN THE HEART OF YOUR SINS ( icryforyou) wrote,
@ 2003-10-16 16:25:00 |
| Current mood: |  crushed |
| Current music: | Azure Ray |
I was so heart broken when I had to leave my Enlgish class today. The thought of me never sitting in taht classroom and hanging on her every word made me want to just break down all day today. When I walked in there in the morning to turn my books in she gave me a big hug and she said "I'm going to miss you, I'm so sorry." I haven't been this hurt my anything in a long time. I know to everyone else it seems like nothing, but to me it's everything. I deserve to be in those classes because I am capable of being in those classes. It's not fair. I don't care if "life's not fair." No one understand how much this meant to me, not even my mom. When I talked to my English teacher she told me that her daughter didn't pass when she took the test from the school either, but my teacher, as a mother, tok it upon herself to get a personal psychologist to test her daughter and her daughter passed. I want to pass the test. I want to take it again, even if it's not the same one. I want this so bad but it will cost 400 dollars and my mom doesn't want to let me do it. She keeps saying "AMY, EVERYTHING WILL NOT ALWAYS GO YOUR WAY. It's not about going my way. It's not about that at all. I want this so bad. It's not 400 dollars going towards a convertable or a stereo that's going to wear out it's welcome in two months. It's my education. God I want this so bad. I have to get in. I will do whatever I have to to get into those classes. And what kills me is that not a soul understands how much this means to me. God. I feel like I'm just going to stop breathing. I can't stop crying about it and everyone in my family thinks I'm this overreacting self-absorbed bitch. This means so much though, so so much to me. I feel so terribly heart broken. And they switched my ENTIRE schedule around, so now I know no one in my classes and I have to start from scratch. I asked the councelor that if I were to take it from a personal psychologist and pass if I could get my scheduel the way I had it before and she said yes. I want to be in these classes. Anyone that has actually known me, not my blurty friends or online friends or whatever, anyone that has actually gone to school with me, been in my classes, gotten to know me knows that I'm not stupid, and that I'm capable of being in gifted. I was in it in second fucking grade and I refuse to stop until I get in again. It's so important to me. My education has always been important to me, even if I don't show it. In elementary school I always wanted to be the best, the smartest, I was in "FOCUS" and OM and all that shit. I always wanted to do so good. But as I got older my priorities have sorted become foggy and now that I had a chance to prove myself and failed I've really woken up. I just want to take it again. I want to get this. I have to get this. My mom told me I had to talk to my dad about it, so I called him and he said we'd talk when he gets home. He's always told me he'd do anything for me. I am literally going to beg him to get me a psych so I can take a different test. I just can't stop crying. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME? God. My algebra teacher wanted me to get it too. She wanted me too so bad. We always talked about it. If I had any questions about it I could always talk to her. And they gave all of my teachers one of these charts to "rate" me on education-wise, and when I got to the classroom, since I had been absent the past two days, she was like "AMY! YOU'RE FINALLY BACK!" and she told me about the chart and all that, and she was like "Oh I wish you had gotten in, I really do. I rated you so good on the chart, too." And Math is my worst subject, so that's got to be saying something.
I just want to be in. I can't stand the thought that Mrs. Yuzenas won't be teaching me. Especially the way she hugged me. It made me feel so important. I literally feel like I'm dieing.
*sigh*
I stole this from Megan because she made it look so hawt:
LAYER ONE: On The Outside
Name: Amy
Birthdate: Dec. 20
Birthplace: GWINETT ahaha. YEAH BITCHES. GEORGIA REPRESENT
Current Location: West Palm Beach
Eye Color: green
Hair Color: red
Height: 5'5 or 6
Righty or Lefty: righty
Zodiac Sign: SAGIMATARIUSSSSS
LAYER TWO: On The Inside
Your heritage: german
Shoes you wore today: hot purple converses, you jealous bitch.
Your weakness: i tend to babble a lot
Your fears: being rejected. OH LOOK IT HAPPENED ALREADY. KEKEKE. fuck. I'm in a bad mood.
Your perfect pizza: haha megans' answer was funny. those microwavable hamburger pizzas that come in the red box fucking rock my socks.
Goal you'd like to achieve: =(
LAYER THREE: Yesturday, Today, Tomorrow
Your most overused phrase on AIM: kewl
Your thoughts first waking up: god i'm so tired
Your best physical feature: eyes.
Your bedtime: never before twelve
LAYER FOUR: Your Pick
Pepsi or Coke: coke
Mc Donalds or Burger King: burga kang
Single or group dates: single
Adidas or Nike: who cares. :X
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: nestea
Chocolate or vanilla: cho-co-late
Cappuccino or coffee: CAPPUCCION. stupid question. everyone knows that one that's going to make you fatter is better.
LAYER FIVE: Do You?
Smoke: i did
Cuss: YES hahah FUCK FUCK FUCK YOUR AUNT. i'm still in a bad mood.
Sing: oui
Take a shower everyday: most of the time
Have a crush(es): not at the time, but megan better tell me who she has a crush on.
Do you think you've been in love: no, i'm in love with the thought of being in love. there was this one time though... :O
Want to go to college: yes
Like high school: no
Want to get married: if i can get married in a state where it's legal to marry another woman
Believe in yourself: sometimes
Get motion sickness: no
Think you're attractive: god no
Think you're a health freak: hell no
Get along with your parents: sometimes
Like thunderstorms: only when they don't make the power go out during something on the computer that's very important, or during that autopsy show that was on last night that was SO awesome *cough* damn thunderstorms.
Play an instrument: clarinet *cough*, piano, guitar, viola, and i did temporarily play the string bass.
LAYER SIX: In the past month...
Drank alcohol: no
Smoked: no
Done a drug: no but for the first two weeks of school i firmly believe that i was surviving off of pepto bismol
Made Out: no
Gone on a date: no
Gone to the mall?: nois boring isnt it?
Gone skinny dipping: oh yeah. all the time. :|
Dyed your hair: YES. FINALLY ONE WITH A YES ANSWER. OH HOLY NIGHT.
Stolen anything: not that i can recall...*looks away*
LAYER SEVEN: Ever...
Played a game that required removal of clothing: ahahah whew. yes.
If so, was it mixed company: yes
Been trashed or extremely intoxicated: no
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