you can run but you can't hide (helter_skelter) wrote, @ 2004-01-20 15:11:00

Current mood:	tired
Current music:	Type O Negative - Black no. 1

You mud jacket whore!


I woke up pissed off this morning. For some reason I imagined myself in a scenario that would really aggrivate me, but in a way I hope it happens. Before I die I hope I am put in this situation. I saw myself standing on a street corner in the city next to a beautiful woman. This was a rich girl, born into a wealthy family, raised a bitch. There is some distinctive look on the face that makes it easy to spot a rich bitch. They always have this smile that they think has the power to make a man obey any of their commands. It had rained earlier that morning and their were muddy puddles along the curb. The Don't Walk sign changed and it was time to cross the street. The woman looks at me and gives me that smile. I am confused at first, but I soon realize she thinks she is living in a fantasy because she expects me to take off my jacket and put it on the puddle of mud so she can walk across. I get extremely pissed off and go on a rant to her saying "Are you crazy? Don't look at me with that fucking face! I'm not going to do shit for you! That puddle is about two feet wide! Would it kill you to walk a few fucking feet to go around it? You expect me to take this forty dollar jacket off and stick it in that mud, ruining it, never wearing it again, just to please you? I'll never see you again in my life, well with any luck! Why should I do that for you? I'd like to put your fucking head in that mud and jump up and down on it! You're stuck up, you know that? Hold a godamn gun to my fucking head and I still won't put my jacket on that mud for you. Walk the fuck around it you stupid bitch!" Or something like that. But I was flipping out on that bitch, I was pissed. I've been having alot of vivid thoughts the past day or so. For example, during study hall today while I was listening to the Satanic Mantra I could see myself from a third person perspective. It was like my eyes were hanging from the ceiling, watching me. I guess when I zone out I really fucking zone out. But that damn bitch! It's different if it's a wife or something I guess, but it's still stupid. It's especially wrong when it's a stranger attempting to lure you in with her slutty nature with no intention of living up to her false image. It's not romantic in any way, it's pathetic, it's a disgrace. If a pathetic man putting his coat in the mud is romantic, I'd love to see what kind of kinky shit you do in bed. Those puppy eyes have never worked for me. Every girl who has ever done that to me when she wanted something just made me more mad. If you think you get what you want because of your looks, fuck you. You might be princess to mommy and daddy, but to me you are a peice of shit. Come to my house and try to get this stubborn son of a bitch under your spell. I'll shove a shotgun up your cunt and watch the fireworks.

But today was cool. The English exam was a breeze, tomorrow I have Chem which I heard is easy. I'm not really concerned about exams anymore, I've got it under control. But the SATs are on Satuday, I hope I kick that shit in the nuts.

Last night I realized I am the only person I have ever trusted. People can say something to you but you don't always know if they meant it. Perhaps if you had it on videotape you could examine it more closely, check their gestures and speech patterns, see if they really meant what they were saying. That's just words, you can't truly rely on anyone but yourself either. They can swear on their life that they'll be at a certain place at a certain time but nothing is stopping them from not showing up. And of course these silly 'cross my heart hope to die' bullshit isn't authentic. Maybe if they were and a broken promise could cost you your life, people would be able to be trusted. Until then, the only person I trust is myself.

	jessika127 2004-01-20 21:59 (link)
	Sheesh Mister Morbid! (Reply to this) (Thread)

(Anonymous) 2004-01-21 19:24 (link)

You're the type of person that I am afraid of. Not because of that whole "mud jacket" girl, but because you analyze everything. I always think people like you can see through anything, almost like you can read my mind. You look into everything, damnit. Not saying it's a bad thing, but I would never be able to come up and have a good conversation with you. I'd be afraid that you'd summarize me by my every expression, movement and word that comes out of my mouth. Kinda gay, now that I'm rereading that. But now that I have the oppurtunity, what do guys like you think about those quiet girls that usually sit in the back of a classroom with just another quiet friend or two, that never really talk to anyone else? They are not social rejects but are actually pretty cool (once you get to know them--which takes time.) Just wondering, what is your first impression of them? Or do you just not think about them at all? [Freakish to say, but that would be kind of reassuring.] Ok, thanks for your time. (Reply to this) (Thread)

helter_skelter 2004-01-21 22:05 (link)

Hello stranger, I'm assuming you are one of these quiet girls. I find that quiet people usually have the most interesting things to say. Look at the loud kids who talk constantly, it's all bullshit that comes out of their mouth. They have nothing good to say yet they ramble on. Since you asked, yes I do think about the quiet kids, but I tend to observe everyone. The quiet kids seem to be unique, in a good way of course. I agree it takes time to get to know them but it's usually worth the wait. I don't know if that answered your question or not? Do you know me or are you a random person on here? - Ryan (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

(Anonymous) 2004-01-22 20:19 (link)

Random as hell. I have stopped by your journal a number of times though, you really are one interesting person. You've got a hell of a lot to say, and everything you say sticks...your writing is the type of stuff that makes you think about it long after the computer is off. I don't know what impulsed me to ask that question, I usually wouldn't admit to caring about that kind of stuff, but I guess everyone wonders what other people think of them every once in a while. And I guess it's cool that you observe things so much in detail. It's good to read about, at least. Thanks for answering. At least I don't find you all that scary now. I was just curious about what minds like yours process about kids like me. I'll just be thinking about what you said later...you know, long after my computer is off. See you around again. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)