| Current mood: |  calm |
| Current music: | joss stone : for the love of you |
this is pretty stream-of-consciousness
It's funny how dire a thing can seem when you're floundering in your own thoughts at 4 am. Though there's a certain clarity that comes with the cleansing, rejuvenating wash of daylight; things seem less horrible under the sun. I can't bring myself to worry during the day, or face the inevitability of the future. I only hang out with my demons at night; though I think that's the case for a lot of people, if not most. But let's face it, what else is there to do?
Maybe that was my problem with therapy ... I should've gone to my sessions at night, perhaps the truth would have come out then. Probably not.
I waste so much of my life just sitting in thought, staring out the window or into the cold, midnight darkness of my room, lost in myself. I wish I could devote more of my thinking hours to sleep.
Life is strange; it never ceases to be interesting. Sometimes I feel like an onlooker, held like some sort of twisted captive audience, waiting with bated breath to see what will happen next ... Does The Father have cancer? Will he lose the lawsuits, plunging the family into bankruptcy? Will they all be able to keep it together!? Tune in next week for the next exciting chapter in this family's dramatic saga ...
Life is interesting and beautiful and amazing. I wish we could all just take time out and relish the moments we have, the small ones that so often slip us by but, if we stopped to savor them, would have the most profound effect of all. Life is so short and too often wasted trying to relive the past, buried in old hurt.
For 10 minutes go outside. Suck great, gasping breaths of air into your lungs and taste it. Stop thinking about work, school, kids, your boyfriend, whatever's stressing you out. Walk around the block, feel the way your muscles move and glory that they do. Listen to the wind, feel it on your face, soak up the sunshine. For 10 minutes just be, recognize the fact that you're alive and relish it. It will do you a world of good, I promise.
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 hateme
2004-03-30 18:03
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Relating to you so well. I don't just hang out with my demons at night, they tie me up, gag me, and make me listen to everything that's horrible in my life right up until I am about to lose my sanity. Then, like the rod of almighty "God" himself, the daylight comes and washes it all away. I forget for a while the things that should be forgotten anyway, until it all washes over me again. Ah well. I can't say things haven't been getting better. Even from two weeks ago, I feel as though I have shaken a couple of those ghastly demons.
As far as how much time I waste staring off into space, thinking about everything and nothing, there aren't enough hours in the day to add it all up.
And I may not take my "ten minutes" everyday, but I have been trying to wake up lately. It doesn't take losing your ability to walk to appreciate your legs, so I assume that we don't have to die to appreciate living. There are so many more good things in life than bad, but the bad always cloud our view of the good. What a fucked up deal, man.
*hugs* Here's to hoping you catch me next time. Even if you only talk to me for two minutes and then vanish. =P(Reply to this) (Thread) |
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othromas
2004-03-31 01:10
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Exactly--what Em's doing is walking meditation. Anything can be meditative, really--that's the point. I'll quit preaching now.
What kind of meditation do you practice?(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread) |
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