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Seneschal Glorfindel of Rivendell (goldenelf) wrote,
@ 2003-02-26 09:17:00
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    Well, it seems I've gotten myself into a bit of a mess. Samwise Gamgee took a few *ahem* COMPROMISING photos of me, and I believe Erestor is trying to get ahold of them. SO embarassing! Ah well, at least I don't have anything to be ashamed of in the physical attributes department. But really, I wonder just what Erestor is going to do with the photos.....

    Whatever. I have invited both Lord Celeborn and Lady Galadriel for a nice frolic. Lord Celeborn seems to think that Lady Galadriel disapproves of frolicks, but I think she is just feeling left out. Maybe an outing together, with me to temper their vitriol, will do them both good!

    I think that the party rescuing Estel should be home soon. I do hope so anyway, as Lord Elrond is in such a state. I hope Estel is... whole in both body AND mind when he arrives, but I fear that he will not be. What effect this will have on my lord, I cannot say, but I think it will be dire. Hopefully, he'll be distracted by Arwen's upcoming nuptials. As for the Evenstar herself, really, she chose the most ATROCIOUS china pattern. *shudder* And primrose yellow... Yeesh.


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smeagol_show
2003-02-27 02:07 (link)
Dear Miss Glorfindel,

Here at The Smeagol Show we believe in exploiting the tragedies allowing victims to be heard. In Middle Earth the structure of our criminal justice system means it is not an appropriate venue for addressing victims rights... indeed in our experience victims rights are much better served within the arena of broadcast television - and we all know that The Smeagol Show is prime time Middle Earths favourite talk show!

We have been informed that you have fallen victim to a cruel and dastardly criminal who photographs his victims in all manner of comprimising positions and then sells these items to the highest bidder. We would invite you to confront your cruel torturers on the upcoming program: "Hideous Hobbits Kommit Kinky Krimes!" We do not pay a fee for guests on a program but we do pay all costs that are nessesary to ensure your attendence, be they transport, wardrobe, food, drink, accomodation, *entertainment*, *company* etc.

Please contact us ASAP.

rmr, producer, The Smeagol Show

PS - if you have any information regarding the current situation between Lord Elrond and his son, Lord Aragorn then we would be willing to engage you within a lucrative research position...

(Reply to this) (Thread)


goldenelf
2003-02-27 11:27 (link)
*intrigued* Hmmm....

Well, will you have other guests? I wouldn't be the only one, right? And you wouldn't actually broadcast the pictures, would you?

As for Lord Elrond and Aragorn... well, lets just say that the kinky hobbit was VERY busy and managed to get shots of Aragorn, too, and when Lord Elrond finds out.... yeah.

You should have a show called "Psychotic Nit-picky Elves Who Can't Take A Joke" and invite Erestor as your guest. Just a suggestion...

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)


_erestor
2003-02-27 11:34 (link)
You should have a show called "Psychotic Nit-picky Elves Who Can't Take A Joke" and invite Erestor as your guest.

Yes, and look who's getting irate because I have a few "artistic" photos.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)


samgamgee
2003-02-27 16:45 (link)
I am so pleased that you find them artistic, fair Elf Lord.

Samwise

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)


goldenelf
2003-02-28 00:10 (link)
Mmm, you enjoy my "artistry," eh? I'm not really convinced you're not into blonds, Erestor. Could all this animosity on your part be sublimation of your actual desires? When was the last time you were laid, my dear friend?

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)


_erestor
2003-02-28 00:26 (link)
When was the last time you were laid, my dear friend?

I hardly think that is any matter of concern to you, mellon. However, I will say that I have had great joy in close companionship in the past few days. Not that you need to know that, of course.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)


goldenelf
2003-02-28 00:34 (link)
Ooooooh, I'm jealous! *pouts* C'mon, dish! I wanna know! Its Lord Elrond, isn't it? He has be lonely since Celebrian went over the Sea. You're perfect for each other! He needs someone to take care of him, and you're happiest when you're taking care of someone. *sigh* Aww, sweet love....

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Re:
smeagol_show
2003-02-27 11:43 (link)
Dear Miss Glorfindel,

I can assure you that our program would adhere to the highest standards of journalistic and artistic integrity... if the photographic evidence was available it would be presented in such a way that emphasised how victimised you have been and ensured that it was not used sensationally or with the intention of titillation.

In reference to your other query, you would not be our only guest, as interesting as you are I assure you it would take more to construct an interesting program than your presence alone.

If you could be slightly more forthcoming regarding the difficulties in Rivendell between Lord Elrond and his son - we have recieved information that suggests Aragorn no longer resides at the palatial home but is living with enemies of his father? can you confirm or deny this rumour? - that would be most helpful. these photos of Lord Aragorn intrigue me - what is their nature - and what does Lord Elrond think of their surfacing?

yours,

RMR, producer, The Smeagol Show

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)


goldenelf
2003-02-27 23:57 (link)
as interesting as you are I assure you it would take more to construct an interesting program than your presence alone

Hey, I'm quite interesting enough to carry a whole program!!

And the hobbit is right, you called me MISS Glorfindel!!!!! I am an infinitely masculine elf! MASCULINE! Look at the pictures, look at how well I am endowed!

*huffily* I must decline your offer. I will NOT be on your show. *stalks off*

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Re:
smeagol_show
2003-02-28 00:00 (link)
Dear Mrs. Glorfindel,

No offense intended, we should have realised that a beautiful young woman as yourself was likely to be married.

RMR

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goldenelf
2003-02-28 00:06 (link)
Gah... gyah...

YOU WILL DIE FOR THIS!!!

Aargh, Lady Eowyn has taken Asfaloth so I cannot ride out to kill you! Grrrr.

*sulks*

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Re:
smeagol_show
2003-02-28 00:09 (link)
Dear Ms. Glorfindel,

If you continue with this threatening correspondence then legal action will be taken.

Yours,

RMR, producer, The Smeagol Show

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)


goldenelf
2003-02-28 00:14 (link)
IT'S MISTER!!!!!! Mr. Glorfindel! I am MALE! Not Miss, Mrs, or Ms, MISTER!!!!

And you, sir, are a blind twit of a pathetic creature!

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Re:
smeagol_show
2003-02-28 00:20 (link)
Dear Mr. Glorfindel,

Many apologies, sir I am considerably embaressed by my presumptuous mistake. However as this new information comes to light perhaps you would be interested in headlining a show we have scheduled in a few weeks... "Tragic Tales of Transexual Elves"? I am sure our audience would love to hear the pain you must feel being a man stuck in a female body.

Yours,

RMR, producer the smeagol show

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)


_erestor
2003-02-28 00:27 (link)
Ha!

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goldenelf
2003-02-28 00:37 (link)
*betrayed look*

Aww, c'mon Erestor, you know I've just been joking with you. I tease you, you get huffy, we fight, we make up. Friends, right? I thought you'd have the consideration to support me against this... this VILE being.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)


_erestor
2003-02-28 00:42 (link)
Oh come now, Glorfindel. How many years have we been in the service of Lord Elrond? You should know better, friend. I'll tell you what. I will boycott this sensationalistic programme on your behalf. Even though you cannot appreciate my work, I can appreciate your noble deeds.

Your friend,
Erestor

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)


goldenelf
2003-02-28 00:46 (link)
Thank you, my friend. We have both been in service to the House of Elrond long enough to know when to support each other against outsiders, no matter what our internal disputes. And I don't think I tell you enough how much we all appreciate your hard work. The Homely House would fall apart without you!

Sincerely,
Glorfindel

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)


goldenelf
2003-02-28 00:30 (link)
*sputters*

I will... I will not dignify that...

You are beneath me. You are the most putrid slime in the darkest swamp of Mordor! You are a filth-mongering creature who twists and poisons the world just by your very presence! If I had my horse, I would put you down!

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)


_erestor
2003-02-28 00:40 (link)
Perhaps Mithrandir will put in a good word with Shadowfax for you. I'm quite certain the King of Steeds will make an exception in this case.

There is always hope.

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goldenelf
2003-02-28 00:50 (link)
Where is Mithrandir? I haven't seen him around lately... (He's not off smoking pipeweed with the hobbits again, is he? Even an Istari can be brought low by that stuff if he overindulges too much.)

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samgamgee
2003-02-27 16:47 (link)
Don't trust them, Mr. Glorfindel!

You might notice how the missive begins, "Miss Glorfindel"? It's a bad sign, I tell you. The Smeg Show's nothing but trouble, take it from a hobbit who's been around.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)


goldenelf
2003-02-28 00:22 (link)
Thank you, Mister Gamgee. I, too, have discovered the insidious nature of this most uncouth show. I think we should boycott it. Meh.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)


_erestor
2003-02-27 11:31 (link)
But really, I wonder just what Erestor is going to do with the photos.....

Do not flatter yourself. I personally do not go for blonds.

(Reply to this) (Thread)


goldenelf
2003-02-28 00:08 (link)
Awww, you're just jealous of my stunning golden hair.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)


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