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katie (gnarliechica) wrote,
@ 2005-01-12 23:32:00
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    Current mood: depressed

    so, i've finally done it. i've gotten so sick to the point that i've gotta put everything on hold for awhile. i quit my job and i will be withdrawing from school very shortly. the diagnosis? generalized anxiety disorder/depression AND something to do with my stomach (still waiting to find out...possibly an ulcer).

    honestly, this is the hardest thing i've ever gone through. for one, realizing and learning that my anxiety has caused all of my illnesses during my entire life up until this point is mind blowing. i'm happy that we've finally gotten to the bottom of everything (after years and years of looking for answers) but i'm also incredibly pissed that we didn't find this out sooner. i have got a lot of emotional healing to do in addition to physical healing.

    the past week has consisted of me barely going out of the house. it's the second week of school and i've only attended 1 1/2 classes. yesterday and today i spent all of my time devoted to watching television and sitting around. at least today i showered ;) i admit it: i am fucking depressed. i just want to get better SOO BADLY!!! and i don't want to have to quit school and i want to work and i want my LIFE back, not to mention my boyfriend....it's so hard to stay with nick right now. i love him with all of my heart, but i hate putting him through all this. i just want to be normal again =( i can barely eat, i don't even weigh 100 pounds anymore, and i'm shutting everything and everyone out at full speed.

    i need to set small goals for myself. otherwise i'm going to continue to sit in my room and lose everything around me.

    tomorrow's plan:
    breakfast
    shower
    clean room
    lunch
    go out with nick to the bank
    the rest TBA



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