truth (girlwithagun) wrote, @ 2003-09-02 23:32:00

Current mood:	gloomy
Current music:	Filter - Jurassitol

only bad things come from this music...
you're telling yourself you're rationalized... that that picture was so hauntingly familliar you had to check to see if it was there... that too much ibuprofen only makes you insane... that feeling frustrated over your own handicaps is normal... that these tears are about that... not some grey eyes superimposed over the large rusted sign with a broken chain hanging over your soul saying, "out of order." If I could take back the moments of a fool in brown tones of warmth and half-sleep I would tell her, "you cannot give that... it's never been yours... silly girl... it never will be again." And maybe in some time I won't feel like a broken barbie doll... ashamed of all my pieces... scared all of my friends will leave me once I cease to be who they've come to see... if this asshole prankster breaks a facade now and again... and cries over raindrops and white roses... starts screaming the next time another caw caw caw takes a hole out of her soul for the feathers fallen... they're all going to leave me... if I pierce myself and wear skirts... they won't notice if I slip away from counter-strike to mar my skin... if every thursday brings new scars... I can keep hiding them behind attitude and a smile.

	warmace 2003-09-03 22:14 (link)
	Marring your skin only makes scars parallel to the ones on your soul, my dear. Not saying don't do it, but how much will it really help? For what it's worth, I will always be a friend to you, regardless of the changes you go thru. After all we've been thru in the past, how could I not be your friend? (Reply to this) (Thread)

	violetenigma 2003-09-04 15:20 (link)
	*Nods with Jason* You are my big sister, you always will be. I don't know words to say that can console you... but I hope you can find some kind of comfort knowing I care, knowing Jason cares. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	girlwithagun 2003-09-05 01:47 (link)
	there aren't words to console me... as much as you two would like to... I don't write these things here for consolation, so don't be bothered by the fact that you can't give me any. these things are such as can only be dealt with in my head and in my own way. thank you for still caring... (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Re: girlwithagun 2003-09-04 22:09 (link)

I'm well aware. And actually...it does help. as much as the ocd needs to wash repeatedly to sate some inner urge for cleanliness... as much as some of us need to cry or escape to computer games... sometimes a little pain is needed for the expression of things which own no words. I appreciate that you like Brad, wish only to stop something you percieve as a destructive cycle. I wish I could, just once, explain why or how ... but it seems to be something we are incapable of expressing to those who do not have the emotional make-up to understand it. for what it's worth, I appreciate it. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: warmace 2003-09-05 07:56 (link)
	Do as you need do, loved one. As you say, I will never understand it, but if it helps you, I will not speak further to disuade you. But at least make them a pretty pattern, yes? ;) *hugs* You are very welcome. I love you much. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: girlwithagun 2003-09-05 12:38 (link)
	making them a pretty pattern isn't really feasible... but they are usually neat and precise. I love you too. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: warmace 2003-09-05 13:04 (link)
	Well, neat and precise is nice, too. :) *snuggles* hehe I'm really enjoying Half-life. Finished it, Blue-Shift, and now working on Opposing Force. :D (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	soulblueprint 2003-09-05 11:34 (link)
	♥ (Reply to this) (Thread)

	Re: girlwithagun 2003-09-05 12:39 (link)
	xox (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)