This morning was a good one. Mei and I just did really well together compared to yesterday. I even got a little eye contact from her and she now smiles when I hold out my arms wide, take a deep breath, say "hug!" and give her a light squeeze. I really needed to see some positive results with her, so it's been like a gift.
Mei is napping now. I am tired as well and would and should sleep. But I got my period and I feel crappy and I ate too much and I'm cold and I don't feel like trying to sleep.
I did have a good night last night with W, but sometimes I wonder why he bothers with me. He would hate it if he saw that I wrote that. He's right that I need to be more positive about myself. But it's not like I'm trying to think negatively. It just happens and I don't know how to judge whether I am right or wrong about being a crummy person. That's what I think most or the time about myself. It's tiring to go on like that. I want to feel good and happy for a change.
Well, those smiles and glances into my eyes that my daughter gave me this morning felt good. That's for sure.
~girlmommy
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