Gish (giish) wrote, @ 2009-08-16 00:43:00

Current mood:	hopeful
Current music:	Bermuda Highway - My Morning Jacket

Food for thought.
For some reason, my friends list is not posting any entries. I don't know if that is a Blurty thing or if everyone is on hiatus and have flown the coop.

It's semi-late in Gish-land (since I used to go to bed so early) and I feel a little satisfied with my day even though I spent most of it in bed, alternating between books and cat naps. I suppose the fact that I am not on call, makes me feel like I can do anything I want. Strictly speaking, I can generally do anything I want. I think.

Alex is sleeping soundly beside me, I'm thinking of waking him up to entertain me, but I almost don't have the heart. He looks so peaceful, and just because I am up and raring to go doesn't mean whoever is in the room needs to be as well. See how less selfish I am becoming? It's almost weird.

Bailey has taken to sleeping wherever Alex is in the house, right now he is nestled beside him. I am trying not to feel a tad disgruntled by that fact. Maybe I should take the dog's lead and just go with the flow more often. But I do find it hard to show emotion. Or need. Or want. It's hard to become un-stoic when one has been that way for so long. Food for thought.

Privacy. Which is sort of a double edged sword when one posts all sorts of shit about themselves in an online journal semi-regularly, but I feel odd meeting up with people on the street when I am with Alex. It's like...umm, weird. Such a small town, I bet the rumours are flying fast and hard. which is dumb thinking on my part. Not like his truck hasn't been parked outside my house 5 nights a week. What the hell am I afraid they are going to say that isn't already happening anyway?

Lame, in my mind. My thoughts and/or worries seem lame.

Anyway, guess I'll do some blanket burrowing and get some sleep. Not sure what's up for tomorrow. But I am thinking of a late breakfast and a ride out to one of the smaller towns.

It's time I took a drive.

before_dawn 2009-08-16 13:49 (link)

Not flown the coop, yet. Benn in a really nasty angry mood. All my posts are rants and I'm embarrassed to have anyone read them when I cool down. I'm still freaked out today. Figuring out how I'm going to pay my bills for the next month. Rodney was expecting to sell his motorcycle but he can't get it to start. I'm just so worried, but I'm trying not to be as angry as I am. And then my face keeps exploding probably because I'm so fucking stressed out. What will probably happen is that I will move in with my parents at the end of September but they're moving too and very unsettled about where they are going to move. I could live with a few other people but overall it feels like I'm going to be homeless for a few months. And I told Rodney that I'm not going to take care of him any more he's going to have to find his own place to live and he is not at all stressed about that. I think he doesn't believe it's really going to happen. He's just waiting for that time to come. I dont' know. He's driving me crazy. (Reply to this) (Thread)

	giish 2009-08-18 16:36 (link)
	oh man. I feel for you. Do let me know if there is anything I can do. Do you have a Paypal account? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: before_dawn 2009-08-19 02:35 (link)
	i do thanks. hey what's your snail mail address? I want to send you that scarf I promised! (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	funkstar 2009-08-16 20:40 (link)
	i guess the online journal stuff happens on your terms. you can still edit it somewhat. (Reply to this) (Thread)

	giish 2009-08-18 16:36 (link)
	true. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)