Klee (gasolineslurpie) wrote, @ 2003-10-14 11:29:00

Current mood:	exhausted
Current music:	dead poetic x bliss tearing eyes

Why do i have to be like this?
You would think that if i knew the problem i'd be able to fix it if i really wanted to.
So then that begs the question, do i really want to?
But why wouldn't i? It doesn't make any sense. Of course i wanna fix it. I want to do everything in my power to make certain that Cole is happy, that i'm happy, and, most important of all, that we're happy together.
So then why do i keep doing this?
Why do i keep reverting back to being unthinking, unfeeling, and self-centered?
I manage to upset him some how. We fight about it. It all comes back to my not thinking about anyone but myself. I cry my eyes out. I say i'll make a conscious effort to step outside myself more often and be considerate.
And then what happens? I half-ass thinking and caring for a few days and then i'm back to the way i was.
I'm putting myself through this. Why is it so goddamned fucking hard for me to just change??
And the hardest part is that last night over the phone i could tell that he was crying too. Because he loves me so much, with all his little heart. And i keep doing this to him. To us.
Thats the worst part.

	kendramichelle 2003-10-14 15:02 (link)
	i know i have to change some things too... it is hard... i wish it wasnt :(... (Reply to this) (Thread)

	jubes33 2003-10-15 02:15 (link)
	hey i really like your icon. is it ok if i use it and give u credit?? post a comment in my journal if i should change it. thanks (Reply to this) (Thread)