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G35_Gurl (g35_gurl) wrote,
@ 2005-07-02 20:36:00
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    Well, I am new here, and only joined because sometimes I get bored in the evenings and then think too much, and worry myself over things, or get depressed about things. My mom died a few months ago, in February, and she was only 47, I am 27. I had lived with her for 10 years before she died. She died of Pancreatic Cancer. I have been kinda traumatized since then. I have been lucky though lately because I have a boyfriend who treats me like a princess. He is the best thing that's ever happened to me! I never thought guys like him existed...and at one time was about ready to give up on men all together. But he has made me see that they aren't ALL assholes. I think about him constantly, and hope that we can be together for a long time to come...but it's all up in the air. He is Vietnamese, and even though he has been in the US since he was a year old, there are a lot of traditions and cultural happenings that have remained with him. His mom wants him to marry a Vietnamese girl, and he has never really wanted to marry a Vietnamese girl. When he met me he was seeing a couple other people, and while it killed me on the inside, I couldn't tell him to go to hell, because when he was with me he treated me so good, and made me feel like I was the only one. Now I am the only one, for sure, but worry about his family, and their expectations. I would give anything to spend the rest of my life with this guy, I love him with all my heart...and he loves me as well. He tells me that I am beautiful no less than twice a day!!! He says he wants to marry me and grow old with me. But I know that when it comes down to introducing me to his parents, who knows what could happen between us after that. He tells me that he has upset his family in the past by screwing around with the wrong crowd, etc. and that now when he meets the girl he wants to be with, the decision will be half his and half his family's. Quite a lot of pressure for me. I have never been treated this well. All the guys I have been with have been very abusive, users, or total losers! I have been beaten, yelled at, controlled, called names, and everything you can see why I would really want this to work out! I first met him right after my mom died...and during that time I was very depressed all the time about my mom. I had a gun at home that had belonged to my mom, and I was going to kill myself with it, I mean on top of everything about my mom, I also had him coming to see me, being a perfect gentleman around me, and then knowing he was leaving my place and might be going to some other girl's. Well he took my gun away...and has done nothing but make me happy since. Anyway...I know some of you may be reading this thinking to yourselves...oh god...shut up already, or something like sorry if I have wasted any of your precious time, or inconvenienced you in any way. But this is a place to write whatever, so I did! To those of you who aren't feeling like this...thanks for reading...

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