| Current mood: |  blah |
| Current music: | Foolish Games-Jewel |
im half alive, but i feel mostly dead
Sooo...to go along with what i said before about cross country...i really do suck..like beyond belief. Why the hell do i do it and torture myself when all i do is disappoint myself, let my team down, and when i SUCK!!!! Cause yea, i defintiely do. I wish that for just ONE race, i could stay up with Ashley...but no, i just suck that bad that i can't. Yesterday i ran 25.02 and that just sucks! I'm so disappointed in myself. I thought this was gonna be a good season, and that i was gonna do well and be able to help the team...but no-i suck, so im only hurting the team. So really...theres no point in me even doing it anymore-so i should just quit and then everyone could be happy. We had to do a scavenger hunt today and tha twas definitely not fun..i was with Stacie and Mike...and i was sooo far behind them. I just suck. But i really dont wanna think about that anymore....
So yesterday was Feffula's 18th birthday!!!!! And so yay for her. But i didnt get to see her and that makes me really sad cause i miss her tons and tons and i wish i woulda got to see her...but no. I did talk to her though...and im not going up there this weekend which really sucks a whole lot. And yea...yesterday also woulda been 20 years for mom and dad....so thats really sad cause 20 years is a long time! And...just...yea. Yesterday just pretty much sucked a whole bunch. I didnt' like it very much. And on the back home..Christy and me were talking about there's just certain people that you just CANT seem to get over-no matter what you do...cause there is ALWAYS something there to remind you of them. Whether it's just going somewhere where you two were together, hearing their name, hearing a song that keeps repeating over and over in your head because that song is THE song that describes everything. And then of course, sometimes you can smell them even though they're no where around....i hate that. That's like the worst thing. Or when memories just come back to you...out of no where. And you just think about everything-that really sucks too. And even talking about it is making me not like it too much...so moving on....
We have colorguard tomorrow. We're doing Hey Good Lookin at halftime and im excited. But not really. Like, i am....but no, i guess not. I guess it's maybe cause im starting to get a low self-esteem again. I just UGH! I'm so just blah. I was in a pretty good mood today too....until practice. Thats when i started thinking baout how much i suck. Just yea...i dont know. i suppose that im maybe gonna go do some homework and listen to some music and light my candles....they will make me feel better....knowing my luck-probably not though.
-steph
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(Anonymous)
2004-10-09 02:20
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i love you monster... lots and lots. and lots. and did i mention lots? haha, i hope so. you're good at cross country- but don't ever forget that no matter what, there's always gonna be someone better. where are youa t on the team? i'm sure you at least top 5 if not top 3. you're awesome. dont' be so hard on yourself. aaaand... what else... mm... i dunno, but i love you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and i can't wait to see you!!!!!!!!!!
MUAH! :)
-Feffula (Reply to this) (Thread) |
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(Anonymous)
2004-10-09 23:54
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aww feel better.. :) but you know what you should do.. go to livejournal.com and get a livejournal since i am now boycotting blurty.. but i want to still read ur journal.. come on.. i know you want to :)
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