| Current mood: |  pessimistic |
| Current music: | Burn-Usher...thats an old favorite....:-/ |
so i should be doing my homework right now...but i really dont feel like it and yea...i haven't updated in a while so i thought i would. im pretty upset right now about......pretty much everything. i really wanted to start this year off good and be a happy, positive person. it seems like i started my year the exact opposite and that really sucks. i am not a happy person....and im very negative. im just soo upset about like....everything. i have nothing to look forward to anymore. i used to look forward to cross country-but now....no. its so ugh. ok-yea...lets do 5 mile repeats today-that sounds like fun...no...or not. yea-we did 3 on the course (including all the hills which was insane) and then we did 2 on the track. its not even fun anymore. ugh....then of course, there's colorguard which i actually was looking forward to.......until today. everyone has decided that they dont wanna agree on anything-which isnt cool. so im kinda in the middle cause i dont really care what we do, as long as we get it done. we have...7 days i think. so i dunno about that. and let's see...thats pretty much all i was looking forward to. i was looking forward to venner until i realized that i CANT sing. and then i became unexcited. i just..i dont like myself...at all. and i feel SOOOO lonely. like-you wouldnt believe. i dont really have any best friends...it kinda sucks. i dont really have anyone to talk to either, so that leaves me to sit in my room and talk to my mom and cry. which also sucks cause i really wish that i could get her advice on what to do about pretty much everything. but...that wont happen. so i just cry some more and get even more upset. i dont like doing that. just everythings kinda blurry maybe?! i dunno..it just...nothing seems right i guess. no-i dont even know if thats right. just...everything is just really bad right now. this is what my days like-get up at 6, look in the mirror and think about how ugly i am, get ready for school, go to school, stand around for 25 minutes doing nothing and feeling like an idiot, and being all by myself thinking about negative thigns that i really dont need or want to think about, but its inevitable because thats just the way things are, then victor gets there...and i try and talk to him, only he leaves me, so i get sad because he was like, my best friend, but we dont have lunch together this year, so i hardly ever see him, and when i do, he leaves me...and that makes me sad and so that starts my day off bad and i get upset and then the rest of my day pretty much stays that way...anyways..then i go to algebra and think some more about the negative things...and then i get even more upset, then i go to history and try hard to pay attention, but it just doesnt work. then i go to venner and sing-and i realize how bad i suck and it makes me sad cause i actually used to think i was good, but now i just suck and so that really sucks. then i go to band and attempt to do colorguard, and im actually pretty ok at that-whatever, then i go to lunch and i dont know what i do...but i dont like it-id rather be sitting somewhere by myself. then i go to chemisty which i realy dont like cause yea...i just dont and that doesnt make me happy. then i go to english and thats my favorite class and it doesnt really get me in a better mood but i like to pretend it does. then i go to cross country which usually id look forward to, but now i just dread it because im slow this year, and i suck. just one more thing that i suck at...and so that just makes everything lovely. and thats my wonderful day...how fun....and now i sit here, and continue to think about the negative things, which i really shouldn't...but i mean, that whole thing, it was just so wow...kinda like a dream, and i was doing good with forgetting about it, then victor had to say something...and then it just all went downhill and then the email...and just-its bad, and i realy dont like it...but...that really doesn't matter now does it? mmmm...prolly not. so im listening to sad music now, and i need to stop, so maybe illjust go do my homework like i should............
this really sucks!
(Post a new comment)
 |
 f1ight1essange1
2004-08-31 15:17
(link) |
aww monster, you shouldn't feel liek that. you're an amazing, beatiful person, and everyone loves you- i know they do, and i know they tell you that. and i know you're probably like... nuh uh and smile, but inside you're like... well maybe i am. i used to be the same way, you can't put htat one past me :-p. if you ever need to talk monster, you know you can always call me. i'm out of school by the time you are, and my number here is 9897746710... and of course you know my cell number. just don't forget how much i love you and how much you mean to me, ok?
i love you monster,
feffula(Reply to this) (Thread) |
(Post a new comment)
|
