Without You I'm Nothing (flufferdust) wrote, @ 2003-04-30 16:25:00

Damn homeless people and their begging (from yesterday)
This guy that I'm assuming was homeless or playing it came up to me this afternoon. He said that he hadn't eaten all day and he needed some change for food. I knew I didn't have any money...I never carry money on me, but I took my wallet out and looked through it as if there was a possibility. When I was done showing him the emptiness I expressed to him how sorry I was, and then ran to get on the bus.

I feel so awful about it though. Its not rare for people in NYC to come up to you with some sob story about how hungry they are, and most of it is probably garbage, but I feel terrible all the same. There's no way to approach the situation without feeling guilty.

If I do have money and I give it to them I know that there's a huge chance that they're going to buy drugs or alcohol with it. If that happens I just aided in their addiction and wasted my money at the same time. Then I feel guilty for assuming that all homeless people are homeless because they're junkies.

If I do have money and don't give them any I feel bad because I just told them the same lie that most other people that they ask do. They probably see right through it too. You're walking on the avenue...all that's surrounding you is shopping plazas. How could you not have any spare change?! And of course there's that aching feeling that maybe they really were going to use the money to buy food, and because of you one more person is going to go hungry tonight.

The last possibility is that I don't have any money to give them, making it impossible for me to help out. When this happens I feel bad for spending my money of crap that I don't even need while this poor person standing in front of me can't even eat a good meal.

Here I go...turning other people's problems back to me. Why am I so narcissistic in my self loathing?

dancinonmercury 2003-05-13 18:18 (link)

Hello. I hate that pang of guilt. It starts right when you make eye contact with the person. Even if they don't ask you for anything, if they just keep walking, there's that longing for something to do to save them or what have you. Sometimes I wonder that, if I were with group of people that contributed money or food to these homeless/junkies, would they ever contribute anything back, like some kind of service, or would they just keep on trucking with their addictions and misery? Grr... frustration. (Reply to this) (Thread)