What Ever Happened to Jesse Camp? (flowerchild19) wrote, @ 2006-03-27 23:19:00

Current mood:	grumpy
Current music:	Panic! At the Disco

My last birthday was spent in the ER and at dinner with people who don't give a shit about me.
My 21st birthday will be here in less than 3 weeks, and I'm not looking forward to it. My grandparents ask what gifts I want, friends ask how I want to celebrate; I have no answer.

I can't help it, I get sad on my birthday, its always been this way since my childhood ended. My birthday celebrations, or the day in general, never go right and always leave me feeling like I ruined it all, somehow. My last WONDERFUL birthday was my 17th birthday. Me and my three closest friends spent the day at the beach, surf shops, outlet malls, and then that night we went out for Karaoke and Mexican food. It was 100% perfect.

You know how they say the day you were born will be your "Golden" birthday? I never thought it was so until my 17th birthday on the 17th of April. Because since then, my birthdays just aren't that hot. On my 18th, I sat in my mom's lap and cried. I felt so unloved, for some reason. I knew I was loved, but somehow, feelings of despair overruled. 19, I was too depressed and hostile to enjoy it. My 20th was just an insane adventure that is filled with location jokes.

I'm just not looking forward to this one. The big 21 is supposed to be grand and unforgettable. Lets hope I don't cry the whole time this year.

tungstenimago 2006-03-31 11:46 (link)

Hole. E. Crap. I know exactly what you mean about 17 on the 17th. I based my entire high school life around my eighteenth birthday being the antithetical epitome of everything that didn't turn out to be awesome up until I graduated (if I had said that aloud, it would have been a blustery mouthful). See, because I turned eighteen the summer after high school ended, on the eighteenth of August. Anyway, I thought that everyone's number-on-the-number birthday should be special, but it just didn't happen for me. I cut my hair way too short, cried in the car, and spent the afternoon eating Sour Patch Kids and watching The Big Chill (the latter being the sole highlight of the day). I think you get to a point in your life at which you realize birthdays aren't special anymore; that they're not so much a celebration of your life as a mourning of another year's passing. Maybe I'm being cynical here, but my birthdays haven't been good since I turned fifteen and, even then, it was a reach. Make your birthday great. Do what you have to to get what you want. Right now, maybe the only person who can make you happy is you. (Reply to this) (Thread)

	flowerchild19 2006-04-12 01:23 (link)
	You always make me feel better. How do you do it? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: tungstenimago 2006-04-12 09:53 (link)
	That's sweet. I've been there. Crummy birthdays, being stuck with people around whom you don't want to be, the works. I guess I just know what it's like to be twenty and not get everything you want. I mean, these are the big years- aren't they supposed to be great? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)