| Current mood: |  tired |
| Current music: | loved ones - ptw |
... its for you
This is for ... yeah....
"Boulder" by Monique G. (Not so much done for song quality or rhyme scheme, just to get my thoughts out)
The last person I'd expect this from was you
The last person I had by my side
The last person I had a belief in
The last person I'd expect to make me cry
Where exactly do I start
I can name so many things off the top of my head
I cut the rope and let your boulder sink
Everything and everyone I used to know is dead
Until you can figure out who the hell you really are
And for once just be yourself
Or at least pick one face to wear
Hope it's for you, not for everyone else
Encouraged me to go along with it
When I reached heaven, I wasn't allowed to breathe
I wasn't permitted to taste the flavor of bliss
I kept it inside never to wear it out on my sleeve
When the false-infatuation was over
Swore your undying hatred for "your friend"
While I was still missing all that was gone
You persuaded revenge would make the pain end
So we were in it TOGETHER
You wouldn't let me back out
So we were in it TOGETHER
Directed me to take anger's route
So, can you explain to me why
The very next day I couldn't comprehend what you said
You had just previously bad-mouthed "the enemy"
Those were your exact words, get this through to your head
Thanks for standing by me
After all the times I stood by you
And if you really think I'm twofaced
For playing devil's advocate, then you are too
At least when I had something to say about "your friend"
I wouldn't go up to "the enemy" with praise
You used to deny it being that way
But you admitted to it within a few days
So tell me what the hell that was about
And why you had to haunt me with meaningless things
And ignore my requests to stop showing me that
With each action executed, I watched the clippings of my wings
Instead of flying, I plunged into darkwater
All the bobbing dead bodies around me
My ankles shackeled to the ocean floor
The surface, the only thing I strived to see
I fell away to myself
when you fell away from me
Did you mean to say you were losing someone else
Is this a guilty or innocent plea?
It wasn't so much the fact
that the separator was who it was
It was that after all I ever did for you . . .
You think it doesn't hurt, but it does
Couldn't you at least
do the favor in return
Instead of silently kill me
And sign me up for a second burn
You were losing me then
But you were focused on a nobody
Someone you gave degrading titles
This was your new tendency
Never wanted to accept this
Lips stayed silent for awhile
And then one day I snapped
One of us is swimming in denial
What do you mean when you say
"I was just agreeing with you"
How is that being a true friend
I need no sympathy, that was nothing new
If you're mad at me for saying
It would be okay again
Then be mad at yourself first
We're running in another dead end
So, in a way I was doing you good
I gave you freedom of opportunities
And if not, then I gave him a shot
He now hates me, but I'm thankful for my immunities
More tombstones were added to the cemetary
The cemetary that exists in my head
The past won't return anytime soon
It lies lifeless in a puddle of red
Blowing me off for "the asshole"
I soon learned to not even care
I just let the both of you go
Solitude was wanting me there
The night I was out to destroy myself
Not even listening to a tortured soul
Ignorant response, so a handful of pills
Mixed with some alcohol
Usually the routine was to snap me out of it
A condition I warned all about
Found myself disappointed, alive
Death evaded, did nothing but kick and shout
How did everything switch like this
Past memories of when you'd ditch
And talk badly about your "friends"
And then in their presence, another side switch
I ponder about what you said to the one
who now thrives off of petty hate furiously
Cause if you can talk about others that way
I'm interested to know what was said about me
Actually, no, I don't really care
I'm not hurting as much in this state
Embracing solitude, an old friend from the past
Another repetition in fate
And how can I forgive when
You're not appearing to know what you're apologzing for
How's it all gonna be better
If you're only looking down at the floor
Look into my eyes
And see the pain in me
See what you've done
See those that you denoucned and how bad you turn to them in need
I look at you now and you're not even yourself
I'm not saying that I'm the same
Because I'm no longer who I used to be
That time you had perfect aim
We were in it together
Why did you back out
And leave with everyone else
Is that what friendship's about
So many stands I took for you
So many things I respected
Never wanting to violate your requests
Never was anything like this suspected
I care how this affects those around
Never wanting to have them being tossed from one to the other
Like children witnessing their parents fight
Remembering the favor I asked of my father and mother
When they pretended everything was okay
And they played with me as if there was never any fights
I felt so happy, I needed them both
Without the reason to point out who's wrong and right
So, why couldn't I coexist when they needed us
I wasn't healed, I still was dying
Maybe it was dishonest to agree
Maybe it was a bit like lying
Never wanting our friends to fall apart cause of us
The intentions I had were good
Why should we let our friends be upset like that
Something like that happening never should...
Then there was the times
I really had to talk to you
But you'd frickin toss me aside for the "ENEMY"
Witnesses even said it was true
So to recap the reasons why I am this way
I'll repeat the things mentioned before
Read my lips carefully now:
Don't be feeding off me anymore
Pick a face and stick with it
You aren't correctly portraying yourself
And stop talking all this shit
And if youre gonna talk about someone
Don't suck up to them the next day
And when someone's about to commit an act
Don't fucking act as if it's quite okay
Don't say that it wasn't serious
Pay more attention to those that need you
Instead of just taking from them
And rather than ignore everything, see it through
I still won't ever understand why
There was such a switch in sides
I had always backed you up
But, you chose to back up lies
I'm sad for the others
The way you've treated and spoke
These things make a person ill
These things make a person choke
They look up to you
And this is what you do
You curse their name without them there
And then suck up to them when they see you
You denounce his name so bad
And you told me he was the enemy
WE WERE IN IT TOGETHER
And now you gravel at his feet, don't you see?!
And what about the times you left me
Desperate calls going out to you
But because you were focused on him
Well, there was no way of getting through
And what's with the display you have
You're being untrue,
You're acting as if youre someone else
you're not being you
For everything you've called me
You're just the same
If I'm a twoface for pretending it was ok
Then you are for the "I was just agreeing" game
If I'm a twoface for trying to make it easy on our friends
Then, you are for all the words you spewed
It's ashame they'll never know what you said
Can't think of the first thing that disputed
And if I'm not showing "interest"
Maybe it's because you never identified the conflict
To heal after everything you've done
Everything was so explicit
I'll never heal unless these problems end
To carry on to the future, please learn:
You have to kill the past ties
Or forevermore you'll burn
So, if you choose to "reconcile"
Then, why don't you fix what's wrong
I have my own flaws too, I know
Sorry I can't always be strong
And yes you are a human
And you're allowed to make mistakes, but then . . .
A mistake isn't a mistake when recognized
And repeated again and again and again
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