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The Cries of a Tortured Soul (finishmeoff) wrote,
@ 2003-10-18 11:46:00
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    Current mood: calm
    Current music:coldplay "clocks"

    When I was a small child, my parents would always fight in front of my sister and I. We’d always be tossed from one side to the other, and forced to choose who was wrong and everything. We hated it. We needed both of them, and they just became people who were hellbent on bringing the other down. I didn’t want to do that to my friends. I hated it myself. So, why couldn’t I reconcile for them? Not for me. Is that being two-face? I made peace for everyone else, when I didn’t feel ready to be friends again. I just didn’t want to fight anymore. Everyone was upset with us. I wanted to benefit the greater half. That isn’t being two-faced, but it’s dishonest.

    “You were just trying to be the better man. Your intentions were well-meaning. You wanted peace for your friends, and yourself as well, but you weren’t feeling okay yet.”

    “I just thought of something. Mike told me the other day that he and his friend had this headache, and it was a really bad headache, and they were walking down this dirt path and out of nowhere a poodle came and started barking its ass off. The headache got so much worse. They were screaming for it to stop barking, so when it didn’t, the poodle went flying!”

    Wait. That has nothing to do with this.

    “But do you see what she’s getting at? I did it for others, not for myself. Perhaps it was wrong, but, I’m sorry, I’m not healed yet.”
    “You have your own reasons for not feeling better with her, and I finally realize that (not because you just said that) and I think you two should still try and resolve your problems with each other . . . no matter what the outcome is. Do what you think is right. Not what other people want.”
    “Even if we don’t end up like before, I just want to make peace and coexist in hangouts, similiar to how I enjoyed it when my parents made peace with each other. Even if it really wasn’t the way my gullible self saw it. You see what I’m saying or no?” I asked.
    “I do see what you are saying. That is exactly what my friend wants me to do with my enemy. He hates not hanging out with me anymore, because he is always hanging out with him.”

    i still think of last night. it was so peaceful. i should have spent the whole night there.

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