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bee.C. (feel_smthg_real) wrote,
@ 2003-10-07 19:11:00
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    Current mood: content
    Current music:ben harper- touch from your lust

    feelin better
    mini breakdown last night. that was fun. dont really know what happened. well, i lied, i do know what happened its just hard to l ike formulate coherent sentences about how i was feeling. it was just all the different stresses in my life coming to a head. school, SATs, soccer, know the deal. wiht school its just like this yaer has hit me really hard. i knew it was gnona be hard but it all kinda took me by surprise. im getting used to it buts its gonna be hard having every class matter when im used to having a at least two classes that i can sort of bullshit my way through. and then will all this ivy west junk on top of doesnt help. and yesterday was bad because it was my last little session thing wiht my math tutor and she was like getting my all freaked out. oh yes and soccer just wasnt going well in any way shape or form. im not playing, it seemed like my coach hated me and megan and shannon are his new favorite players and they play all the time...ugh. but thats all better it hink because i wrote him an email last night telling him how i felt and practice tonight went really really well. i was just working hard and he kept telling me i was doin good and then we scrimmaged the 17s and everyone was liek "hannes you ahve to play beth at center mid.." and he said i would prolly start next game. yay. oh and then friends, wow friends. im kind of confused about my friends right now. its like i have all these "friends" and there are only a handful that are true. there are a buncht aht like i love at times and then wow it just totally turns around sometimes. but i guess thats normal right? i know ppl dont like me all the time. you get the bad witht he good i guess. but i was just talkin to winnie and i always feel like such a hypocrit because like i consider him a friend but he hates the people i hang out wiht and its just hard. i sat with him at lunch today and it was really fun. anywho, winnie and i didnt really finish our conversation because that was about the time i was starting to lose it and started sobbing and it just wasnt really an online kind of convo. thank god for vivi though. to echo what she said, im so lucky to have an "outside" friend like her. i think its the friends i have outside of school that save me. like her and now katie. it makes you try harder at the relationship. i think i take my school friends for granted. we dont feel that we have to be as niec to each other maybe? i dunno. it just makes you value the freindship a lot more. im lucky to have met her. but yea she helped me calm down a little last night. she told me she had tons of the same kind of freak outs last year and she siad that the beginning of jr yr is the worst and it gets better. that helped. and she also gave me her three miracle medicines for when you're feeling ramen, a little tbs, and your dog. no ramen in the house but i had my new puppy who is the love of my life and music helps everything. so yay, cried for a year in the shower then just blew off all my shit and went to bed. logged a good nine hours which was AMAZING. like i said, sleep is one of the things i value most in life and that will never change, along with friends and family and health and all that jazz. but yea so today was good, got 100 on my span quiz yea go me. so bottom line, (ugh i sound like the santochi)- im feelin a lot better today. kiley calling and all the messages online last night also helped a lot. thanks guys. so yea, im predicting the day is about to go downhill cuz of all the shit i have to do, buy gilmore girls and one tree hill are one so it all might just have to wait. ha. k, gotta go get my lab on wiht annnnnna, oh man how i love bio. peace

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its ok anyways b/c we're hot
2003-10-07 22:55 (link)
BETH! i treasure our friendship soooooooooooooo fucking much it blows my mind. i feel like i can give oyu advice b/c i've been where you are physically before and you can give me advice b/c maturity wise im way stuck in teh past. therefore your ahead of me. lol. of if that amde sence that would be great. anyways i love you and i appreciate you somuch and this year is the toughest school wise with all your studies....but next year your load is so much easier. next eyar all your stress is more on your own personal goals for yourself. but dont worry bout that till you get there. and im sure you;ve ensured many more options then i did so it wont be nearly as bad for you as it is for me. ps if you bf tells oyu hes going to alaska dump him before he goes b/c it will save your summer and you mental state at the beginning of your senior year. anyways amen to ramen tbs and your dog. i love you and you sure as fuck know i am most def always here. ps you need to come voer and bring your dog and we can eat ramen play with our dogs while we listen to TBS. (or watch their new video for you so last summer b/c its so fucking hot!) ok i must go. ta ta 4 now.

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