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FallenMiaAngel (fallenmiaangel) wrote,
@ 2004-02-03 00:42:00
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    Current mood: apathetic
    Current music:Jewel

    I have been so busy with school. School has begin; another semester to endure more hell. I broke up with George finally, thank god! He was such a prick to me. He just had this grandouise idea that he was better than certain people. He isn't the most brightest person, but he isn't all that bad. All my friends seem to be excluding me now since our breakup. Go figure. I don't have friends; I am destined to be alone I suppose. At least I still have Ty and my friend Jen.
    Amy is another friend that has dissapointed me beyond belief. Apparently a month ago, I was her best friend. Now that title has going to Julie. Julie is a girl who looks like a poodle. lol She ditched me for drugs and money. Oh well, we were back into meth together for about a month. All that "fun" ended when she decided to psuedo "OD" to avoid hanging out with me. Amy lacks intelligence; she really does. This girl has the IQ of like 85. Her mental capacity is that of a 17 year old and she is almost 22. She only contacts me now for money I don't even owe her. She really disgusts me lately; she has a 18 month son who she doesn't even ask about. She is too busy out doing drugs and screwing her boyfriend. I seem spiteful; I am. I am not afraid to admit my spite towards her; she's put me though a lot, and I resent and hate her for that.
    So now I hang out with her Sister Jen. Jen is a really good person. I really like being around her. The only thing keeping me alive now is school and some useless goals I hold on to. Rather pathetic I know. If I had no goals, i'd most likely off myself. I have nothing really to offer the world, or other people. I just waste the oxygen. I am depressed. I wasn't all this time though. I was either high out of my mind, or manic. It hasn't been all bad. I can't really complain that much. I am receiving assistance for school: tuition, books, counseling programs. It's rather nice to be helped. I have always been so reluctant to ask for some assistance until now; I didn't believe it was right. I met some guy named Binx, but I see no future relationship with him whatsoever. I think it was just a "wam bam" night thing. Oh well, it's cool, we live too far anyway!
    Needless to say I am left with no hope, no job, no friends, no boyfriend (which is HIS fault), and lack of self-worth. The reason I am being so critical of George is due to the fact he never tried. I tried so much to have a NORMAL relationship. I suppose all his incentive was to get fucked. I regret even sleeping with him. Let alone meeting him! Uugh.. He has absolutely no regard for style. He looks like a slob. Holes in his clothes, un groomed hair, nasty bruly facial hair which needs to be shaved, and he smells. lol Literally, he does! I am not a beauty queen, but I try and keep myself up. It's the only thing I have left is my looks. I can't let them dissipate into shit like my life. You know? I have been resuming my medications which has sucked. This entry so far is so uplifting. I have also decided to resort back to self AFFLICTED (okay asshole I agknowlege it's an existing English word) starvation. Oh that was a debate I had in a chat room with some arrogant pompous asshole. Yeah, I am nice aren't I?

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