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Allie (fakesmiles77) wrote,
@ 2004-01-03 14:29:00
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    same as always...
    today i just layed in bed and thought about things and cried. I guess he is talking or something with gill...which is fine-its a good feelings to know hes happy-even if im caught in misery. It'll go away..and I'll be all better soon...i layed in bed for so long to make sure it was after 11 o'clock, because 11 o'clock was his game, and i knew if i got up i would want to go to it...and i really dont need to see him..i saw him last night and he made me feel very ugly.. he was very short with me just like he was on the phone and yeah...time to find someone new-it was easy for him, it shouldnt be this hard for me....ya know? Ill find someone-i know i will...its just a matter of time..and thats what kills me..i feel like its crucial for me to have someone by my side or im sad-and i cant rely on a guy to make me happy-and if one really does make me happy, he wouldnt make me cry would he? I dont know but erik burns makes me feel very small and unwanted like everyone is judgeing me and looking at me like im an outcast....So now i think im leaving all of this, or at least trying to and getting over it all...and trying not to remember anything about erik-good or bad...sound good? yeah since NO ONE reads this im sure ill have a lot of comments on this. I need to stop dwelling on it-and find someone good-which i will. and until then i am determined to be happy...w/o medication w/o a boy....only with friends...and im making a promise to myself everything will be ok...although i still have the permanent lump in my throat-this will all go away and ill be fine...i know i will..


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2004-01-03 17:42 (link)
what ya mean NO ONE reads this?!? i did!!! well thats cuz u were on the blurty front page thing... anyway... i decided to comment even though i know nothing about u outside from this entry...

time alone is NOT a bad thing. u can figure so much about yourself and what u want/need out of life/people most when you're alone. i believe that becuz then u dont have others influencing your thoughts, feelings/emotions. i'm not talking about ALL OUT solitude, just space away from any serious relationships that hindered u in the past or that have gone ugly. seems like you've realized that to some extent.. which is a good thing, although the tougher part of it is living it out... goodluck!

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it was fate lol
2004-01-04 01:21 (link)
i think it was like fate or something that we met.. too many things in common for a first encounter you know? maybe we are supposed to have met on here and are supposed to help each other out or something.. im really glad you added me because i can always use someone new to talk to and you just seem like such a sweetheart and such a cool girl.. i know we only talked for a short time but i think this erik guy doesnt know what he is missing out on.. just hang in there and just keep your friends close by because they are the ones that will always be there in the end for you.. and i read through a bit of your journal and i can relate to you as well on a lot of things.. especially music interests.. i saw you liked finch and i LOVE them!!! and something corporate is pretty cool as well.. i would have read more but i am pretty tired so i am off to bed.. tata

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