| Current mood: |  blank |
| Current music: | christina aguilera. HA |
underprotected
I am so truly falling apart right now.
I can see it happening. It's like I am watching someone else... I can see the things that I am not coping with, I can see my stupid defense mechanisms starting up and I am watching myself crumble.
Could this have happened at a worse time?
I am going to end up cracking up completely. I can't see psychiatrists again, I just can't do this now. I am just about to start Uni... they'll never have me if I am like this.
If only I can just hang on pretending for a little while longer. At least til the course starts. Maybe I'll have more chance if I am already there.
Who am I kidding? I am taking the prozac that Mike gave me. Like THAT'S gonna help. I figured even if it doesn't make me feel better it might make me lose some weight.
I can't sleep at the moment either. I wake up 2 or 3 times a night and I just cannot get back to sleep once I have woken up. The other day I had about 4 hours sleep before going to work, and then college.
I am just exhausted.
The slightest little things upset me and bring me down, and all I can think about is cutting and od'ing and just messing myself up so completely that someone will HAVE to help me.
I am drifting away from everyone because I am just not interested in anything anymore. I need someone to keep me afloat but I am too selfish. No-one wants to help me because I just push them away the whole time.
Nothing makes sense in my head any more. I am on this big self destructive downwards spiral and there is no way to get off. I just have to ride it out til the end.
And when I get off there will be nothing left.
(Post a new comment)
 |
(Anonymous)
2004-05-03 08:55
(link) |
MWAH!!!!!!!!
love you lots, silly girl
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX(Reply to this) (Thread) |
(Post a new comment)
|
