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| Current music: | America - Ventura Highway |
I'll sleep better once graduation happens...
Funny, considering I technically finished school last July.
It all started last Friday, around 3:45 am. Rather early for me to be realizing that I won't be sleeping well for the next 3 weeks. I woke up, realized I didn't feel like getting up and decided to sleep until my alarm woke me up. I then proceeded to have one of the weirdest dreams, ever. Excitement over graduation, blah blah blah. We suddenly have to go to the airport to pick up my Dad and some other people. My dad comes off the plan with my grandmother who died a month and a half into the beginning of my freshman year. That dream scared me so bad, that I forced myself awake and found myself gasping for air. I know she's dead. I know she won't be coming to my graduation. When I told my mom about it, for some reason, I started crying. Mostly because I came to the realization that she never got to see what I have become as of this point. She won't be there the day of my graduation, cheering me on and grabbing my face and kissing me and waiting for my mom to translate her congratulations to me....and that makes me super sad. I also realized that until graduation actually happened, I probably wouldn't sleep much.
I've been right so far. Saturday when I was up in Farmville, after I dropped Liz off for all of her senior sem presentation stuff, I went back to her and Erica's apartment and ate my biscuit and watched the tube for a bit and fell asleep, where I proceeded to have an awful dream of Liz's thesis presentation being in New York and I apparently overslept so much, that I didn't just show up 10 minutes late, I woke up like 5 hours later and freaked out. In the dream, Liz forgave me, but I felt really bad, you know, like I normally do when I can't be there for friends and stuff and somehow we ended up at Carnegie Hall for the rest of the thesis presentations and I didn't miss it, and EVERYONE was there, including one of my roommates from Freshman year, who I haven't talked to in like 4 years. I then woke up paranoid that I had missed Liz's presentation and looked at my cell phone and realized I had been asleep for an hour. I'm being introduced in the crazy society tomorrow. Hopefully the room they will keep me in will be comfy.
Then Saturday night, after several hours of vegging out and stuff, we all passed out in our collective places. Then I dreamt that I was back home trying to take care of stuff for graduation and my parents told me that they had decided that they didn't want to drive a whole bunch, so they had decided to stay home and that they would send John and Leila in their place to video tape my graduation. And I called up Liz and Erica and they told me to get over it, I would have other graduations and I woke up at 8:10 Sunday morning, really, really annoyed. I called my parents and they thought I was crazy. I decided to not sleep and instead clean up some and try and re-pack my bag. My new plan for not having crazy dreams anymore.
I have now had different variations of graduation dreams since then. Diplomas being taking off in a gust of wind, falling down on the stage as I'm walking across. Find out as I get on stage that the school is never going to award me my diploma because I owe the library 50 cents. I officially don't want to sleep anymore.
I honestly think all these dreams stem from the fact that it has taken me so long to graduate and I have had to jump through hoops to get to the point I'm at and I'm walking on egg shells that something is going to go wrong between now and May 13 and the school is going to come back and tell me that I can't graduate and I will cry. I think I'm good, everything is paid for, the school has sent me all of my check out forms and stuff. I'm just paranoid about it. I actually called the registrar office today to make sure that they have all my forms and stuff. They do. I'm seriously starting to go crazy.
16 days...16 days til I finally march. The finishing touch on a very long and crazy college career. It will be ok....right?
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