|Current mood:|| lonely|
|Current music:||House on the tube|
Lonely, Lonely, Lonely Day...
Its been a day. My dad's doing better, they're figuring out what's wrong with him and fixing it, but there is still a long way to go. He won't be out of ICU until atleast Monday or Tuesday. But that's as much as I'm willing to say here. Its been a long one, and frankly I'm tired of thinking about it for the moment. My positive reinforcement mantra right now is that my dad is ok. Repeat 3 times, take an aspirin and smile.
I talked and left messages to a lot of people today. Liz, Erica, Jeff, Sean and my aunts. My aunts more than anyone else. I'm either calling them, or they are calling me and mom depending upon who they get. Mostly me. I chose to switch out with my brother every hour or so, just depending. So while I was out, I usually ran downstairs, got a bottle of water, and would go outside and call people. (And yes, smoke.)
Sean's worried. Of course, he's got a lot to be worried about. He just found out his mom is sick and then my dad (they were really close when Sean was young and are actually still pretty close now). He's been calling to check in since he found out yesterday afternoon, so I let him call me and he tells me about his mom and we just shoot the breeze mostly. He'll let Seany and Will babble on about nothing on the phone (Wonder Pets, Crayons, the mysteries of boogers) and Jayme tells me to just have faith.
Aunt Pat is crochety, old, has a three pack a day habit and always believes she's right. She's 73 years old, the oldest living family member and believes that everything happens for a reason. Believes that all my dad really needs is some beer, some steak and to get out of bed. She informs us that we need to kick my dad's ass. We usually don't argue and tell her ok. Tells my Aunt Alice to chill out...a lot.
Aunt Alice is the youngest of my dad's siblings and by default the biggest pain. What should usually be a five minute conversation, turns into a 45 minute conversation about worse case scenarios and how to prepare for the worst. She's the one who only bakes enough mini cheesecakes for 20 people to eat at Christmas and believes that a family who eats together, stays together. Also believes that all my dad needs is to take his time and work slowly. Consistently tells my Aunt Pat to shut the hell up.
Aunt Judy's the comedian. 2nd oldest and generally the peacemaker. Me and mom talk to her and we feel calm. She doesn't worry about much, just shakes her head and says "What will be, will be". How she is dealing with her husband, my dad and two of her daughters being sick all at the same time and still having her sanity and her sense of humor, I will never know. Knows that my dad is a fighter, reminds us of that, and informs dad that if he doesn't get better, she will personally come down here and kick his ass. We take her word for it.
My Aunt Judy told me today that I remind her a lot of herself. That I need to keep cracking jokes with my dad and making fun of his walker and just encouraging him. That I need to hug my mom and brother, and that we need to hold each other up since she can't be there to do it. I kind of buy it, that maybe I'm a bit like her. It made me feel better. I told her I was lonely and scared. She told me to not worry, it'll get better. All we need is time and faith. The more she says it, the more I start to believe her.
I miss them all terribly. I wish they could be here. Then again, I wish a lot of people could be here right now. Or maybe I wish that I didn't have to be here. More importantly, that my dad didn't have to be here. But all I can do i guess is have faith.
Faith. That at the very least it will get better. Easier to deal with. That my dad will get through this next battle like he's gotten through all the rest.
I know I don't say it enough, but thank you to everyone who has dealt with the crazy phone calls and with my craziness in general. You guys mean the world to me.
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