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Moises (epit0me) wrote,
@ 2004-11-14 22:44:00
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    I guess you can sit and say that we get along better as friends. I understand completely where your opinion stems from. I, however, disagree.

    The truth, no matter how hard we try to make it seem less harsh, is as follows. You will never be able to say that the time you spent by my side was sad. I can think of few moments where we were consumed with hurt, so much that we were not happy when we were in one another's presence... except for the last trip up your dwelling place. I made sure that I always found some way, any way, to bring a smile to your face. Our chemistry transcends the status of our relationship. The truth is that you didn't love me. That's the plain-faced image of reason. From there, everything tore at the seams, and our frustrations were only overwhelming once we were apart. It isn't a blame game. It's just a simple fact, that while I'm sure you admire me for who I am, and how I made you feel... still, your love, then, was beyond my reach. As I mentioned, the aftermath was my implosion taking grasp of the situation. I didn't know how to handle someone who I wanted so bad not feeling the same. I felt raped of my self-esteem. I had never in my life wanted and loved someone like I did you, and to not have that reciprocated left me unable to cope with anything. I was a confused man, simply put.

    After all subsided... after understanding and accepting that you and I would never be together again in that sort of relationship, I learned to be objective. No amount of pain could quell how much I care and how deeply addicted to you I am. Again, how I feel about you transcended past bylaws of the way I handle things, and now, you're the only exgirlfriend I still talk to, and have an honest friendship with. It's not about us having better chemistry as friends... it's about us not feeling the same about each other. Maybe it was your "youth and inexperience". Maybe I just wasn't what you were looking for... but to say that we get along better as friends defies every smile you flashed when I carressed your heart. It denies the fact that I introduced a feeling to you, an overwhelming feeling that still captivates your soul and forces a smile, and an occassional blush on your cheeks.

    The fact is that there's too much energy between us for me to force myself to walk away. I will never cease caring for you, and loving who you are. And for that reason, I'd say we're great friends. We laugh and bullshit and have been able to handle what once seemed like a very fragile situation. Our chemistry is indeed beautiful, but, it was too a healthy factor in the days when we were consumed with different emotions.

    That's my opinion.

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2004-11-15 03:37 (link)
Well that, in essence, isn't disagreeing with me at all. I didn't mean that any time I had with you was sad by saying that we have better chemistry as friends. I just meant that we're great at being friends because of our flowing chemistry. You do nothing but bring a smile to my face. Just the thought of you makes me smile because of, if nothing else, the "Squinty". Every smile that graces my mouth makes me think of you because of that simple nickname. I don't even think you could call what we have a friendship. It feels like so much more, and less, to me. I don't think we can fall under a certain definition. Our relationship, to me at least, seems far beyond defining. And, I love it that way. You're my unflinchingly honest opinion, my unending river of support, my swift kick in the ass, and my incredibly sturdy shoulder to cry on, all when I need it most. You eclipse the simplicity of a regular friendship. You're by far one of my favorite people in life. And, regardless of the facts when we were together, if someone were to ask me to name the people I love, your name would be close to the top of that list.

So, whether we are better now or if we were better then isn't the question. It's just a fact that we are too closely connected for it to matter. Past, present, future: we're linked. It's just the way it is.

That's my opinion

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