| Current mood: |  loved |
| Current music: | Heavens Missing an Angel // 98ยบ |
Where to begin I don't even know, so I suppose I'll start from the very beginning.
I knew Jeff. I wasn't oblivious to the boyband trend. I caught TRL a few times. You can't miss somebody like Jeff, with those bright blue eyes and that goofy little grin, or that amazing voice, and yeah, there's also that incredible body. Like I said, you can't miss somebody like Jeff.
And then the day came, when he went from Jeff Timmons lust object to just Jeff Timmons. The day I met him. I wn't forget that sexy little smile or the glimmer in his eyes. That night I experieced a rejection like none other. It took me a little while, but I realized it wasn't because the other had told me no, but it was because Jeff had walked away from me. It shouldn't have bothered me, because I knew what the night was, what it was all about, and yet it got to me. Hurt in a way that a rejection hasn't ever before.
The next day, I was surprised to see him show up on my doorstep. Rejection usually means, 'get away from me,' doesn't it? Only there he was, head down, shoulders slumped. And he looked up at me, and his eyes were in such pain. He told me of what happened, of the lies he'd been fed, and I held him. In those moments, when he cried against me, I swore to myself I'd take him, and I'd protect him.
The days following have been the most incredible, intense, magical days of my life. It's crazy, I know it sounds that way, I know it is, but I am absolutely irreversibly hoplessly helplessly head-over-heels in love with him. He is the most amazing person I have ever met. Everything about him is so intense, and desire, I hunger, to know every last thing about him, to find out his deepest darkest secrets, to know every little thing. I crave to make him a part of me, to make myself a part of him.
We have spent every waking moment together this last week, week and a half, and there is not a moment that I wasn't grateful he was at my side, smiling at me, that sincere soft smile that makes me feel like I can do anything; or looking at me with those deep blue eyes, burning into me, giving me the faith and determination to carry on.
The slightest touch makes me weak in the knees, the softest word makes me shudder. I feel safe in his arms. I feel at home in his arms. ANd when he's in mine, I never want to let him go. I wake up every morning to his face and I lay there, watching him sleep, and I dread the time coming around when I leave for the studio. But then he wakes, and he smiles sleepily, and takes time from his life to come watch me, to see me, to push me on and tell me I'm doing amazing, even when I know I've done my worst.
At night, we lay together, sometimes after incredible sex, sometimes not, and we talk. About our future. About the family we're going to be. He, and I, and Alyssa. We talk about forever, and what it's going to be like. And those nights, when we do, my life is complete.
I know it's crazy, but there's no other way I'd have it. Because I've found my soulmate, and he's all I'm ever going to need.
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