When you're all alone,
The silence feels so loud
And the light fades so far away
That you're blinded by the dark.
The heat becomes unbearable as your fingers melt to ice,
And the moon's rays are shrouded by the sun.
* Critisism PLEASE, it's a work in progress
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(Anonymous)
2004-01-19 00:43
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silence being described as loud is pretty cliche. other than that, it's pretty good. (Reply to this) (Thread) |
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(Anonymous)
2004-01-19 03:06
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When I first read it, I honestly felt a distaste for all of it's content... however the contradicting elements at a second read were rather thoughtfull and emotionaly empathic to a higher degree. There is no context of anything, so there forth no story, just rambling. But if the elusiveness and abstract idealism is what your shooting for, I'd say you have yourself a rather solid concise peice. (Reply to this) (Thread) |
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