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I'm reading this book called 'Kiss My Tiara' (which should have been warning enough) because one of my friends approached me with this book and said "Oh my GOD, you MUST read this BOOK. It worked MIRACLES on me." I am sick of all of this self-empowerment drivel that is getting churned out. All of this 'sex-is-a-weapon', 'a woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle' shit is a serious waste of time. All I can say is DUH. Of course women don't need men. Of course men don't need women. I wish more people believed that, so that the world wouldn't be so overpopulated and would stop sucking up limited resources. This is a joke. And then you have all of these fifteen year old girls in high school who go to the Gay Straight Alliance one time and say to themselves "Oh my god, I think girls are pretty. I'm bisexual." When I was in high school, I thought bisexuality was some kind of a trick that the super slutty girls pulled out of their hats like a party trick. For the girls I knew my sophomore and junior year of high school, saying that they wanted to have sex with girls too was simply the last stop to pull out, and no one was really surprised. The thing I don't appreciate is that people use being 'bi' as an excuse to cheat on their partners and then say "Well, I was just having a same-sex day yesterday..." I'm pan-sexual to a POINT...the point being that, as of yet, I've only met one girl that I would even think about dating, and she goes to school in Seattle, and she is INCREDIBLY overdramatic and while I would date her, I doubt I would enjoy it very much. And I definitely want to have the wedding, and the little white house, and the kid and the dog and all of that shit. My friends say "But you could have that with a WOMAN!" I don't fucking WANT to. However, she is here for the summer and taking me on a 'date' on Monday...which is amusing, because its just a novelty to both of us. Its the 'follow-up-to-sexual-activity-date', only with about a year in between the activity and the date. Hmm. So that will be strange, to say the least. Anyways, I'm just being inceredibly impatient right now with all of these dumb girls who are saying "Wow! I'm a girl! GIRL POWER!" Get over it. Go buy some Spice Girls CDs and some pink shower curtains and live your life the way you want to, not the way an empowered-femme-chick would. I have the same beef with a lot of my friends who came out in high school and this year in college...here they are, one of the 'guys', having a great time, and then one day they show up with pink Elton John sunglasses skipping down the sidewalk before proclaiming loudly with a brand-new and overenunciated lips "GUESTH WHAT, BOYSTH!" If thats actually how you feel, then GREAT! Go with that. But until scientific research proves otherwise, I'm not going to buy that the 'gay gene' has this ridiculous lisp attatched to it that is recessive until the person recognizes their full gay potential. Nothing gets people off more than self-recognition. But for me, self-recognition is something you do YOURSELF. Maybe books and speakers and seminars and TV shows point out things to you that you didn't realize about yourself...but that doesn't mean you adopt the book as some sort of housepet and live by its rules religiously. "Instead of sitting in this bedroom, putting on makeup and cute clothes to impress BOYS, I'm going to go out with the GIRLS tonight...after I put on greater quantities of makeup and cuter, more expensive clothes..." Because, for FUCKS SAKE, girls don't dress up for the boys. They dress up for the other girls. Because, lets face it...if all you want is a good lay, and you're the only girl there, and you're wearing oil-stained jeans and a plaid shirt, and your hair is in a disarray... ...someone will STILL fuck you. You're not competing with the GUYS for love and attention. You're competing with the other GIRLS. And even when you're not going out with the guys, you're STILL competing with the girls. When I was up at school, living in the dorms, I always tried to look at least semi-put together. Not because the boy across the hall was an Air Force hunk. Not because the boy next to me was rumored to be hung like a moose (which, actually, he was...my roommate drunkenly de-pantsed him after the rumor had gotten around). Not because of the guitar-playing goateed asshole down the hall who would slice people's egos up and hand it back to them for breakfast. No, it was because of Krista LaFord. This gorgeous sorority girl who weighed about eighty pounds, had long, straight blonde hair, and always looked like she was going somewhere important. For some reason, even though I could never compete with her, I always tried to look like I was worth giving the pity 'oh yeah, you could come to that party too' invite to. Not because I would actually go, but because this girl was grovel-worthy, and I don't usually say that about people... Girls care more about what the girls think than what the guys think, because girls are taught since middle school (maybe earlier) that boys are stupid, and we should all throw rocks at them. But GIRLS are the safe ones. GIRLS aren't the dummies who want to rub mud in our hair and yell "BUTT FACE" at us across the playground. Girls just sit in little clumps and say "Elsie is playing with the pigeons! Eew! Katie wore that shirt on Monday too! Eew!" But for some reason, we always end up trusting them more. At any rate, the point of this whole thing was just to say that if you're not happy with your life and you want to change it by empowering yourself, or by any other means like that, then go ahead! Great. But you don't need to TELL us about it. If its really wonderful, we'll notice it. If you want to have a fucking Love Parade thrown for you every day of the week and prance around in your newfound self-respect, then go run around naked in the mountains for a few weeks or pop a couple of Valiums until you feel more comfortable with your newfound state (which is slightly above everyone else, of course.) :-)
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