yesturday.is.gone. (dshbrd345) wrote, @ 2003-12-14 16:51:00

Current mood:	tired
Current music:	taking back sunday-your own disaster

to clutter up your shelves


Yesturday and Friday I drove. baaaha. That was a laugh. I kept going to fast and the guy was yelling at me to slow down. oh lordy. Then after driving yesturday I went to the mall with Lizz and helped her mom go Christmas shopping. tehe. We went to walmart to get an easy bake oven, and you'd think that'd be pretty easy. But nope.. not with me and Lizz. We had to ask some guy that worked there where they were but we forgot what he said so he had to go and bring us there. haha He kept saying they were by a tree of bananas. Yah well, we couldn't find the banana's. We were at the Wendy's drive threw and me and Lizz were sticking candy canes up our noses and the people in the window kept looking out and laughing so her mom gave them candt canes. haha. But not the ones we were sticking up our nose. It was so great. We kept useing her webcam all night. haha That was some funny stuff. And we stayed up until like 3 talking. Her mom drove me home earlier today. Oh she's my best friend.
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I was just up in my room for like an hour reading my old diary. One of the entries made me think... It was on May,30,2002.. Which was one year before Larry and I started going out. And it made me realize that things come and go. And eventually everything goes back to normal again no matter how sad you were at the time. It just takes a little while to get over. And sometimes when you're sad maybe being that sad will be the closest you'll come to being happy for a while. And you don't realize it until it's too late and you're even sadder and you just keep sinking into a big hole of sadness. I don't know if anyone undertsands that besides me. I can't think of any better way to explain it.
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I don't want to grow up. Only two more years until I'm an adult. It's coming way to fast. I want to be little again. I want to start everything over. I'd change so many things. I haven't realized until today that I'm not happy with myself at all. Or the person I am. I keep thinking that I'm not good enough. But I don't know what I'm not good enough for. I'm just really confused today. Maybe I'll just go to bed so I'll stop thinking. That's half my problem. I'm always thinking. Like.. about why people do the things they do or why we feel sad. Or why people care so much about what other people think about them. I wish people could just live the lives that they wanted to and not worry about anyone else or how they felt. School should be optional, but encouraged. And the people that want to have steady jobs and a planned out life can have that. But I don't want a life like that... when everything's the same day after day after day. I thrive on changes. I want to just live in my car and drive around to random places. I was talking about that to my mom but I don't think she understood. This was our conversation..
Me: I want to not have to worry about anything. I just want to do the things that I want to do. Like live in my car and drive down to mexico, watch sunsets, and eat nachos for dinner everday and just not care. There's too much stress and people's expectations for me are too high.
Mom: You don't even like nachos.
*sigh* I think I'm too high strung for a life like that anyways.
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This is a really long entry.

(Reply from suspended user)

	okstaa124 2003-12-14 22:06 (link)
	your are a beautiful person - you don't even know and people don't see it to let you know parents really don't understand especially if they really are different from you wish we had more talks,laughs,and acutally see each other i always leave this in your comments but - i heart you dood :) oks (Reply to this) (Thread)

	swwetxlove 2003-12-17 18:48 (link)
	i saw you at the mall. you were with Lizz's mom but no Lizz. hehe (Reply to this) (Thread)

	funkyald0goyum 2003-12-20 09:50 (link)
	i agree with everything in this post and i feel the same way. and ive never known anyone who felt the same way as i do. (Reply to this) (Thread)

	dshbrd345 2003-12-20 19:21 (link)
	Well I'm glad someone understands. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: funkyald0goyum 2003-12-22 09:23 (link)
	man. mean people suck. that was all a joke?! thats so stupid. i hate it when my friends do that to me and i totally believe it. ahhh (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)