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Mary (druggedbyapathy) wrote,
@ 2003-10-28 07:00:00
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    Current mood: drained
    Current music:::Wumpscut::-Christfuck

    Blah
    Well....figured I would start one of these online journals. *shrug*
    Not much went on today really. I feel bad because my bf and I were supposed to hang out early today and go to lunch but I never woke up. I didnt get to sleep this morning until about 6 a.m. And finally decided what the hell, I'll take some tylenol PM, maybe then Ill get some sleep and Ill wake up in enough time to go out. But....that never happened....I ended up sleeping all freaking day until 5 p.m. My brother was calling and calling, finally woke me up. 33 year old loser still cant find a life of his own. I had to threaten him, by telling him that id call the police if he showed up, but even that wasnt going to stop him. I told him noone wants him here, seeing as im not even supposed to be living here. My neighbors would go ballistic if he showed up. Anyhow, after a long convo and after he was done bitching about how he doesnt want to drink anymore....we got off the phone. But its alwas the same convo. Hs hurt us so much in the past and I dont think he even really gives a damn. I had to grow up around a brother who was pulling knives out, drinking every day, getting arrested at our home at least four times a week. I would shake when i was younger because i was so frightened. I dont know, I hope that he ges his life on track.
    Anyhow....I hope that joe doesnt think I blew him off because I did not wake up. I miss him and did want to see him today but ive been so tired lately, mostly because of the insomnia, but Ive had insomnia off and on since I was 13. Things are going pretty well with joe, Im starting to care for him alot more, and in my heart I really hope this works out. I had basically given up on guys completely before I really began to hang out with him more often. Im normally the type that does not show emotion besides anger and ...well....anger. lol. It takes awhile for me to really open up....because of the asinine and hurtful shit that ive been through in the past. Id learned to shut everything out and put up this wall. Although that only hurt me more. I dont know....I mean, I do but I dont. All I can say is that I hope this works out. I wish I had started this journal a bit earlier so I could go more in depth. But at this time I really dont feel like writing much..Im still out of it from all of that sleep.
    Ill write later most likely....peace.



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