|Current mood:|| thoughtful|
|Current music:||the killers. thanks kev.|
so i guess i'll start updating because my life is starting to become more interesting.
yesterday was the last day of school before break and i guess it was okey. we didn't really do anything in any of my classes..just watched movies, and stuff...you know.
christmas always makes me feel like shit. i'm not sure why. i think, beforehand all the stress and fucking hysteria of it spreads me thin and makes me weary and everything and then, when its here its cool i guess..i like the whole feeling of being with family and being close and everything..even though you shouldnt need a special occasion to do that....but i get to see my sister annie. it kind of sucks because every other year she was in college or law school and she would have an entire month off for christmas but now she has a job and gets two days vacation. i hate growing up. but anyway, after christmas sucks too because three seconds later, everyones forgotten it even happened and then theres like a void from where the holiday season was. i had work yesterday which was alright, i guess. lots of people are still assholes even in the "spirit" of it all. like, people that come to michaels, or even worse, people who walk straight passed me while i'm standing at my locker and arrogantly wish my friends a merry christmas and purposely exclude me. i love that. i dont know. yesterday i was walking down the hallway and i saw erik and my stomach jumped. like, i havent had that feeling in forever. i think its the whole christmas thing..because i have no feelings remaining from before or anything but i guess its just all the stories i heard listening to lee and sonja talk to me about what they got each other, or courtney talk about jay...and everything. it made me realize that i do want a relationship. definetly not the kind i had from june 26th to circa..december...ish because i'm not going to do that to myself again.
i dont know. i guess i just want to be with someone i can completely be myself for and just live in the moment with. i'm sick of fucking drama that comes with being in a controlling relationship. i dont know. i miss the passion.
so before work, me kev and chels decided we wanted to go to the mall and finish christmas shopping. that did not end well. we got to the mall...it took about an hour and because the traffic was so fucking insane, we got within sight of it and realized it would take another 45 minutes or so just to get into the mall and we had no time so we left and they dropped me off at work and chels went to get coffee and came in later. work went by fast and then afterwards, kev picked us up and we all went to dans and hungout with miz joey katie and...dan. we watched its a wonderful life and just layed around. it was fun. everyone started to leave and it was just me chels dan and kev and we decided around 1 to go to the regent and get pizza fries. it was delicious..minus the minor akwardness/cherry soda-vomit drink. but it was fun. so we left around 2 and headed they dropped me off and i went to sleep..and slept until chris woke me up this morning. now i'm sitting here in my "el gato" shirt my mom randomly silk-screened me while i was at school yesterday and waiting for my sister to come hommme. i've missed her so much. oh well. i guess this should be a good day. sometimes i feel a certain way and i cant figure out why but right now, i feel pretty fufilled and good..so thats fun. merry christmas.
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