|Rudolph "Dolphie" Creakasdottir Berman-Ramus (dolphie) wrote,|
@ 2007-03-10 01:35:00
|Current mood:|| cranky|
|Current music:||Sountrack to Cat Side Story|
When you're a Jjettt you're a Jjettt all the way...
My adoring public has asked, and though Girl is hogging the computer all the time because she is getting married (I know, it's shocking to think that anyone would want to move into this vale of boogers and dog hair), I have shoved her aside to log in with my latest news. Somehow she managed to find a dementoid as loserish as she is. But the good thing is, he smokes! AT LAST my prayers are answered. He loves it when I lick lick lick his hair at 3am. Then I am drunken on nicotine and look like this:
My eyes are glassy, but glassy like Waterford Crystal, not like Girl's filth-encrusted windows. She keeps them dirty so no one from the road can see me standing in them, mewing piteously for rescue. Someday my prince will come! Til then, I will just lick on Girl's fiance and there's not a damn thing she can do about it, because he likes it. Ha.
But... the downside is, he has a grotesque appendage named Jjettt. I spell it that way because Girl and Boy cannot agree on the spelling. He says Jett, Girl says it she wonders why he needs to name his male cat after a lesbian has been rock star with the worst hair ever, and it should be spelled Jet, like the airplane, or the color of Burt Reynolds' hair after he used Grecian Formula. I say they're both retarded and made up my own spelling, which is superior to both of their idiotic opinions. Can I get a judge's ruling on that. Bing! Dolphie wins AGAIN! Jjettt it is.
Dolphie, can we get a look at this shambling horror? But of course my simpering darlings. Gaze upon his beigiosity ye not so mighty and despair!
You are asking yourself, is this kittah a conquistador? Is he invading the New World and putting Aztecs to death with his ugliness? No? Then what's with the fashion non-statement? Is he in an Adam Ant video or something? Is he auditioning to play Hernan Cortez in the all-feline re-enactment of the fall of Tenochtitlan? No. He came over when he had to have part of his eye cut off. Of course Girl was the prime mover in this eye mutilation, which was vile and made me throw up a little in my mouth. I think she may have eaten the removed eyelid, with tartar sauce. You know fried kitty lid is a delicacy in some parts of the world... and this is one of them. Barbarities abound. Kitties everywhere, beware!
You would think this would be a time for all us kittahs to band together and drive out the invader. NoOoOOOoooo. Nary a hiss was spoken, even by Tansy Wansy Fancy Pantsy, the Second Meanest Kittah in the World. No one but me got involved at all... though, of course, Harley is always cruising for a fresh piece of boykitty ass, so that was a meeting of the minds (and other bits, use your perverted imagination, sicko):
Now, is it just me, or does Harley look like a muppet in this picture? A nappy, greasy, gay muppet.
So that is why I am disgruntly these days. But I will enclose one more picture because you all love me so and have withered away in my absence, like Girl's hopes of social adequacy. This is me in a basket that someone gave Girl to put significant keepsakes in. As I am her only significant anything, I thought it was fit that I squeeze my tricolored luminosity into it. Enjoy, bitches. Who knows how much longer you will have to live on this pathetic morsel of me?
I know you miss me... I miss myself too sometimes,
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