docvergil (docvergil) wrote, @ 2003-12-17 02:15:00

Current mood:

melancholy

I would write a nice long entry, but seen as I've not done very much today, except my tasks as a domestic goddess and going to the quiz, which went rather well (16/20, which is good for us) I probably won't make it.

Kel and I had another cool chat about Ray (I decided, hell, why not use his real name, it's not as if he's ever going to read this). She thinks I should just email him, that it'd probably make his day if I did. He emailed me very randomly last new years just to say happy new year - that's all it said. He's not really a 'salutations of the year' person and he's never done that with me before (in two years worth of email), and I'm still wondering why he did it.
It is rather nerve-wracking emailing him first though. I always feel like I shouldn't bother him, like he has so much going on in his life already (and he has a lot, he's one busy bunny) that why would he need or want me? Admittedly, he didn't seem to mind much when I used to bother him randomly at school...
I used to knock on his door every so often (every two/three weeks or so) and just see if he would chat to me for a bit and usually he would. The first few times I always went with an excuse, but then it seemed like I needed one less and less. It never became a routine and it never got any less scary, but I would get to missing him and so I would go again because I knew if I didn't I wouldn't see him or speak to him.

But since we left school it seems like I don't have the right to do that anymore. I mean, I'm not sure how he thinks of our relationship - whether it's friendship or not. And like I say, I always feel like he's got loads of friends already, why would he want me?

It's really frightening now, because I'm used to being away from him and though I still miss him an awful lot, I don't ache for him that old way I used to, because I don't see him anymore, I don't hear his voice or smell his skin. The physical craving has dissipated. But it comes back...oh god does it come back.

I'm worried he thinks I've forgotten about him. How ironic would that be?! Here am I, worried about him, missing him and he's wherever he is, thinking I've moved on.
I haven't.
I dreamt about him last night.

	aurenna 2004-04-05 04:28 (link)
	Ooh, there's nothing that I love more than another Classics freak! :-D Did you email Ray yet? If you haven't yet...then try and remember - no one ever has enough friends. And if he took the time to email you and wish you a Happy New Year, then he's still thinking about you. Go for it. And lemme know how you get on. :-) xx Aurenna xx (Reply to this) (Thread)

docvergil 2004-04-05 12:05 (link)

We classics-y people are too few and far between to let each other go by! I emailed him only last week actually, but this entry is so old that it's completely out of date! I did email him just after I wrote the above. And he got back to me and was supporto-guy, of course! (The full saga, which you're welcome to read if you're interested, is in my LJ. I'm 'docvergil' over there too.) I emailed him again last Thursday - the nerves haven't got any less since Xmas! - and again he got straight back to me, and this time, I got a 'keep in touch' as well. *is all glowy* I've posted what he said in my LJ - so again, if I'm sufficiently interesting...;) Wow - I'm going to have to return to the Blurty world again, if there are groovy people here now! xDocVergilx (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)