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well i think that i am having a "i suck at writing" spell again. but i think that i need to write something because i hate when other people dont update theirs. well i have been in london for about 2 weeks now. not really been doing much...just driving the kids around really. i kind of just sit and wait for them to need to go somewhere and then take them there. not to exciting! once again i havent really used my time for anything useful. i probably have talked about this before, but i hate the fact that i dont ever spend time thinking about anything useful or try and figure things out or pray or something. a friend told me recently that i should be glad that i have the ability to just sit and think about nothing. i dont really know what to think about that. first of all, i have never really thought about it as an ability...always as a disability. sometimes i try to think about something so that i can form an opinion or something like that and the longest time will go by and i will realize that i have thought about absolutly nothing. my friend says that to think of nothing is something that they have been trying to acomplish for years now. I thought that was kind of funny...the grass is always greener i guess...im just not sure which one of us is right. i have been talking alot about community with a friend lately. about how it is a tough thing to do right. i was in a really close community once. a christian community. when i was there, i thought that we where doing it so well...that we really had it nailed...love was the center...everyone was accepted for who they were...and all that stuff. i dont live in that community anymore...it is really strange how when you change the angle of something, the picture can completely change...like in photography for example, two different people can take a picture of the same thing and if one person takes it from a slightly different angle, you would think that you were looking at two completly different things. in community, being on the outside can really bring some perspective into the situation. im not really sure what to think of this new perspective...on one hand it is somewhat encouraging to realize the people that i though could do no wrong and who had it all together are as insecure and in need of validation as i am. but on the other hand...if they dont have it together then who does.....i look around and i see christians that love jesus and devote themselves to him and at the same time have so many security issues...i see christians who are commited to serving others and cant even get past their differences...christians who are depressed and go to councelling because they cant handle life. what im trying to say is this, these people are leaders in churchs and respected christians and the heads of these communities that we live in and they struggle with the actually the same thing that you and i do...validation. that is what is wrong with our christian communities, with our churches, and with us. we dont really believe God loves us. its has been pounded and pounded into our heads when really we should have just tatooed it on our hearts right from the beginning. when i look around at people who dont call themselves christains i see lots of different things. but one thing that sticks out is that they accept. no matter what. so how come us as christains, who are apparently,"full of the love of God", cant give the girl who needs attention the attention that she needs or give the guy who isnt as much fun to be around the same chance at the job as the guy who is. somewhere along the way we are missing something! Are we scared that if we give her the attention then we are going to look like we dont know what is really going on...are we scared that if we give him a chance we are going to miss out on someone who may have been more benificial to our own needs. where was it along the way that we have lost our perspective? when did we step out of the palm of Gods hand and into the sinking lifeboat?
"Imagine how much a mans life would be changed if he trusted that he was loved by God? He could interact with the poor and not show partiality, he could love his wife easily and not expect her to redeem him, he would be slow to anger because redemption was no longer at stake, he could be wise and giving with his money because money no longer represented points, he could give up on formulaic religion, knowing that checking stuff off a spiritual to-do list was a worthless pursuit, he would have confidence and the ability to laugh at himself, and he could love people without expecting anything in return. It would be quite beautiful, really."(Don Miller-Searching for God Knows What)
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(Anonymous)
2006-02-22 18:38
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Hey Scotty..i just read that chapter in the book. A real amazing chapter I think. Something to always think about. Its sad that i can't even understand how much God actually loves me. Also a mint point is..loving someone but expecting nothing in return..thats crazy because that thought has never even run through my mind before. But very amazing.
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