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Drew Jacob (deathbeuponye) wrote,
@ 2004-02-19 21:39:00
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    i am crying. and i cant stop. i am dying. and i cant stop. i am so confused. i am so lost. life is spinning. HERE I AM. no not never nothing something one thing this thing existance=death. dont wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww i hate myself wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww dont get me wrong. i am so happy for lauren and david. i can see it in their faces. they are happy. they have something special and they know it and they are happy. and that makes me happy. but i cant help but feel all of the sudden like i am THERE ARE NO WORDS I HATE THIS I HATE THIS I HATE MYSELF I HATE THIS WORLD I HATE LIFE I HATE EVERYTHING. SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP I HATE THIS I HATE THIS I HATE THIS I HATE THIS. i feel like i should leave lauren be, not talk to her because i dont want to make her sad. im sorry. IM SORRY IM SORRY IAHTAHEIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII what is happening.?.? i am misery incarnate.

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2004-02-20 22:34 (link)
drew! ok please don't ever think you make me sad!!!! you fill me up so much! i had no idea anything about me and david would bother you... you are never forgotten if this is what this is about... i am always thinking of you and praying for you, waiting to hear from you and write to you and reading your notes and notebooks you gave me and reading our past instant messages and thinking that i have the MOST WONDERFUL FRIEND on the planet because thats what you are. my brain is so getting ahead of my fingers i keep messing up when i type... i cant say enough how much i love you and how much you mean to me... i never EVER want to make you sad... and please don't leave me be. i don't want you to leave me be... ever... because i need you in my life and i want you in my life... we have a special connection that no one else has with me and i never want that to die PLEASE dont ever let it die drew. i want to have this forever. i know i am using all these infinite words but i feel it is true... please tell me what this is about so we can talk because it sounds sooooo important and whatever is important to you is instantly important to me. i love you drew... dont forget that.
love always, lauren

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