dead-poet (dead_poet) wrote, @ 2004-02-28 14:11:00

Current mood:	artistic
Current music:	classical songs stuff

Moribund
Anyway, here's the next one. Though I never really refered to it as a story before. You guys be the one to figure things out.



Moribund
By Rychus Guanzon Cortina

Blurred lines of light moving down...
       Voices, shouting at each other, some mumbling, some panicky...
       Swinging and creaking...
       The world was so fast I was being left behind...



--oOo--

I can hardly see with all the blinding light...
       Faces, lots of faces, masked faces all around me...
       Shadows abound...
       A monotonous beeping sound...

--oOo--

I can't see...
       Everything is white...
       Blanketed by a thin, silky linen...
       I'm so sleepy, I need to rest now...
       But I simply can't and I don't know why...

--oOo--

Mumbling of a muffled voice...
       Faces, more faces, moving sideways with nothing in their eyes...
       I ignore them all and go back to be blinded once more...

--oOo--

Still the muffled voice...
       A lady before me, sobbing, then bursting into tears...
       Was there something I said?...
       Sobbing...
       Whispers...
       A sudden slam...

--oOo--

Her voice was muffled with a sob from time to time...
       I can't understand any word or what was happening...
       But there was a tone in her voice that told me I knew her...
       But I just can't remember...

--oOo--

"I'm sorry, Josh; please forgive me..."



Hehe, well that's it. Look out for "Faded."

crimsonwaters 2004-02-29 05:37 (link)

Hmm. Is this a near death experience? Like an accident... and then a person in a coma, or dying (thus, the title :p). Kind of vague, but that was what I got. :D Nice play of words. Really seems like there's chaos and confusion around, like a hazy state of mind. And those pauses in between are like sleeping and waking up again and again. Really good style. :) It can be a story... or a poem. Probably a narrative kind of poem. Yeah... Great writing! I'll watch out for the next one. :P (Reply to this) (Thread)

dead_poet 2004-02-29 09:17 (link)

yep, right interpretation once again. only you havent mentioned that its a sequel of the previous story. aaaahhh... well, basically, here's what happened. josh was dead depressed (from hiway74), and got in a car crash due to drunk-driving. some bystanders rushed to help him. made it to the hospital but died there. his spirit "lives on" and witnesses everything else. being rushed to the hospital, actually dying (with one long beeeeeeep sound on the pulse-thingy), being sent to the morgue, lying asleep there. the unnamed girl finds him at the morgue. a sorry and then she rushes away. he actually hears it but he doesnt understand anything coz he's dead. well, thanks for the compliment. atsaka, gleng mo mag-interpret ah... anyway, fyi: i like working with dead characters. hehehe... evil me... lolz jk :D (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

crimsonwaters 2004-03-01 07:16 (link)

Ohhh... I didn't realize that. Now come to think of it... yeah, it makes sense. And that girl was THE girl. Nice one. :D You know what would've been a nice touch? The teddy bear. Just a thought. :p Anyway, napansin ko nga. You're the "I see dead people" kind of guy. Haha, joke! There was the Jacuzzi, and the other one before this, and then this new one... you might have issues, you know! Nah, just pulling your leg. We all can't help but be curious about the afterlife, if there really is one. :P Well, I just like reading stories. Especially good ones. ;) (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

dead_poet 2004-03-02 01:39 (link)

yeah, youre right, i forgot to add the teddy bear... damn... oh well... well, i see all sorts of weird things from time to time... but i really dont wanna talk about to anyone. after what has happened and all at our house. anyway, yeah, we just cant help but wonder what's in the afterlife... oh, and thanks for reading... sobra... youre one of those who give me a reason to update... (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	crimsonwaters 2004-03-04 10:00 (link)
	Wow, you have a haunted house? Pretty neat! I'd love to live in one. :D Don't ask... I'm a weird girl. ;p It's no problem. I love reading everything from books to blogs. And you write well so it's always a pleasure reading your works. :) Okay, I'll stop. Your head's getting bigger. ;p (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	dead_poet 2004-03-09 02:53 (link)
	haunted house? not really... as i know, there's at least one entity in every house. Your head's getting bigger. ;p well, not really... hehe... :D (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)