Nicholas, I will make this abundantly clear for the last time:|
The Lord of the Rings Trilogy are well-made films. This goes without saying as they've won 17 Academy Awards between them. Peter Jackson has proven himself as a good/competent director. Why do I not enjoy Lord of the Rings: IT'S FUCKING BORING. I literally fell asleep during the Helms Deep battle. I was sick, but seriously, the way everyone talks about it, I thought I was going to need a new pair of underwear afterwards or something. And you know how I feel about those god damn big-ass swords. Why don't they just carry around a car and hit people with that? Yes, I know there aren't any cars in the "medieval big-ass-sword we're morons" time period. Oh yeah, and lets talk about continuity. Now Galdalf can take care of himself, but 4 prissy bitch hobbits? Are you kidding me? They go from looking at their gross ass, football-sized, jungle foliage feet to trekking across hundreds of miles on foot and fighting evil bad guy badasses? They would be fucking dead. They'd be so unbelievably dead, it's not even like "haha, he's dead," it's like "holy shit that dude is so dead he looks like a hobbit smoothie." Yeah, they have Aragorn, who is a badass, I will admit, and Legolas is pretty much a surgeon with that bow, but Gimli? Where the hell did he come from? It's like they had to get all politically correct and work in a god damn dwarf. FUCK DWARFS. Who the fuck likes Dwarfs? NO ONE.
Oh, and Jesus Christ, don't get me started on Gollum or Smigel or whatever the hell name he chose. Nevermind the robbery he perpetrated at the 2002 Academy Awards against Star Wars Episode II (i.e. Yoda) for Best Visual Effects, but he's freaking retarded character! They should have shot him in the face when they met him. But wait, NO GUNS! JUST OUR HUGE ASS SKYSCRAPER SWORDS. Now I guess this should be directed at JRR Tolkien, but he's dead, just like he deserves.
In conclusion, I probably need to see Lord of the Rings again, but from what I have seen, it blows more cock than a Tijuana hooker. Maybe I need to watch them again and I will be enlightened to their majesty as well as their beauty (I do not debate that they are beautiful movies). As for Peter Jackson directing the Halo movie (and it's Halo, not HALO) I see nothing wrong with it. He can direct, no doubt, and from what I've read he actually plays a lot of Halo, which in my opinion is a prerequisite for direction of a movie based on a video game. I am not informed as to if he has read the books or not, but that would be the number two requirement for me. It would be pretty difficult for me not to like the Halo movie, unless it was just like completely 100% no action/story and nothing like the books/game, which would be impossible.
Thank you. End scene.
(Reply to this) (Thread)