| Current mood: | affected. |
| Current music: | "when we barely could survive, i was never more alive." |
this, that and THAT!
the first thing i heard was the rain on the roof. and i wanted to fall back asleep. it was early, 9am. not so early for other people but early for someone who finishes work at 2, 3, 4 am. but my brother knocked on my door to borrow our ever mobile dvd player. so i had to stand up, open my door and pretend he wasn't being a bother.
and there was a text asking me to visit my grandpa in the hospital. from my aunt. did i fail to mention that seeing him there is hard for me? and why shouldn't it be? he once carried me through tall grasses on his shoulders. we planted bamboo shoots together when i was four. we chased chickens together. now he can't even lift a finger. he has more tubes and needles going in and out of him than i would care to count.
the rain wasn't going to stop soon. i snuggled back in the covers trying to recapture sleep. that proved pointless. but it was warm and the sound of the rain was reassuring. strangely enough, the one time that i need reaasurance, i get it from the rain and not a human voice. and i wasn't quite sure what i needed reassurance from.
but incredibly, some days you feel incredibly resigned to things. resigned in a good way, mind you. you fall asleep feeling that way. but you wake up miserable and looking for a sign that things will be fine. but all you get the sound of the rain and the warmth you generate under the covers. and you refuse to get up because you know things will not be so great once you get up.
but i am up. what choice did i have?
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in other news, work comes in steadily though some days i work for 10 to 14 hours straight. i just finished a project for MTv (yey!). and islamusik will soon end (boohoo...). so it will soon be time to look for new projects.
whatever days are here again though. i feel like blah.
i need a vacation.
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how are you? i can't stand the silence. but i don't think i'll be able to stand the words either. so, let it stay in the muck what we chose to drop.
fuck it.
this is silly but....
FRACTIONS (by emery)
one and three, you're here
(one and three, you're here
to tell me we can't do this)
to tell me we can't do this
(three for three, i'll disagree)
anymore
your hair and face against the mirror
as i take the steps to save what's left of me
-that's all i was trying to do.-
someone's out when it's over
people steal from you
and they take anything they choose
it's good to see you
i missed you last night
that's such a lovely color
it goes with your eyes
before we fall asleep
i just wanted to say
this all seems so easy
but there's choices to make
can't decide, then look at the faces
candlelight
we're burning the pages
but ask us why
and hurting ourselves with this false start
resign yourself
and always be (and we pretend)
without the one (as if it gets easier)
thing you need (but does it get easier?)
reading words with no replies
when we have these mornings where we can say goodbye
i wanted to mean everything to you
but this isn't right
you keep coming back disassembled and i
keep losing this fight
i won't
answer
dancing under starlight glow
no one in the city knows
confidence can take you
nerves try to shake you
from going all the way
it's not that far
it's good to see you
i missed you last night
that's such a lovely color
it goes with your eyes
before we fall asleep
just wanted to say
this all seems so easy
there's choices to make
we watch the tide roll in
with cold air and coffeecake
holding our words at list
stopping the sounds they make
we know the way to go
we know each step to take
to be here
these words with no replies
stopping we's and starting i's
this need is killing me
and taking me over
i wanted to mean everything to you
but this isn't right
you keep coming back disassembled and i
keep losing this fight
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