we pass each other on the sidewalk and in the rot, and we don't even say hello, let alone look at each other.
the only thing i want is to have him back. how many more nights am i going to cry myself to sleep? how many more times is he going to ignore me? how many more times am i going to walk all over him? i've taken more than he can give. i keep expecting him to make this easier, but i keep letting him down. i keep making it harder.
i don't know how to do this. i've prayed more the past week for this than i ever have for anything. praying that God would give us the strength to make it through this, that we wouldn't lose each other.
he cut off his friendship bracelet that i gave him.
it's not easy seeing him, but it's harder not seeing him. im constantly wondering "did he talk to alanna today?" "did someone else get to hug him?" "does he even care what im doing right now?"
does he know how much he means to me?
do i know how much he means to me?
do i know how much i mean to him?
i want to be strong, i want to let him be there. i need him to, but not now, not in the midst of my weakness.
i wish so bad that we could fast foward, and it would be august, and he would wrap me up and pull me in.
and i could let him catch me.
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