Damian Star (damian_star) wrote, @ 2004-05-27 10:32:00

Current mood:	sad
Current music:	Nine Inch Nails - And All That Could Have Been

If only I were more
Seems like I can only make you happy for just a short amount of time. But when I'm gone, it all comes back and hits you in the face. I really feel like I've let you down in someway, that I could have been the one to prevent this. Maybe if I wasn't gone, maybe if I could have heard your voice. I've let you down my love...i'm sorry.

I feel like no matter how hard I try, no matter how far I go, I'm still going to "fall short".

"please...take this....and run far away, far away from free. I am tainted"

I love you Jenn, but what good am I if you still feel that way you do. You deserve better than this...better than me.

*hits head on table*

thepatienteye 2004-05-27 13:17 (link)

Damn. Dylan I didn't mean to make you feel sad. I have bullshit, that doesn't involve you and it's in my head and I'm dealing with it. You do everything I promise all I have to do is think of you. I have to not isolate myself and not make myself a lonely little alcoholic. You can't shelter me from all this. We can't be together 24/7 and I have to learn not to fall down every time you're gone because I KNOW that. You have things to do. I have to be a big girl and take care of myself, it's just so hard when you make me so happy and then it's like coming back to the real world is a slap in the face. anyway it's stupid. You haven't let me down, if anything I'm the one letting you down. I'm the useless clingy emotional wreck. I'm baggage you shouldn't have to carry around. none of this matters anyway because i'm fine. I just had a bad night and wrote some thoughts that were amusing to me and a little bitter... my problem will be solved when School is done and when I get a job and after I get back from Idaho. As far as I'm concerned that's just a bunch of bullshit I have to deal with now, that I don't want to deal with and i'm being a baby about it. No where do you fall under that list. You make me happy. and i should make posts like that private. sorry. I love you. (Reply to this) (Thread)