Sir Integra Wingates Hellsing (dame_integra) wrote, @ 2003-09-30 19:55:00

Current mood:

apathetic

About tears and engagement
I almost never cried or even shed a tear, much less in public that will show weakness, something I loathe.

But after what happened all these months; my army destroyed, the good name of my family ruined in the very eyes of the population and my own staying in the jail; it was, although I don't want to admit it, a low blow to my pride.

I foolishly believe after my realesement I could make the things back as before, I am working in the army but the things did change and I think is for the worse. The most disturbing the center of this change is my relationship with my servant.

*looks uncomfortable*

It all started with his offers of immortality, not to bite me but give me his blood... That was just when I came out of my operation. Then he started to teased me in another more closer way, a few hungry kisses now and them I thanked (when I actually thought with my brain and now with my hormones) with a glare, a sneer and a slap, mostly because he caught me unarmed.

Then was that bloody nightmare, I wont re tell it but let's just say it was related to his 'before the capture' self and myself. It was hardly innocent.

All those things were born mostly out of lust, desire and his twisted games, he most likealy play with Victoria as well... But the rules have changed.

Yesterday, after I gave him my ice rule treatment, he went away for a couple of hours, then returned and started to behaved most strange.

After he brought me the cup of tea, I decided to return the favor and discovered he had some bad dreams and I actually get to comfort him. He then acted too strange, the whole atmosphere was surreal and I acted strange was well... There's no words to describe what I felt in that moment.

*sighs and massages temples*

I actually did confess something and wasn't taken seriously nor our relationship changed, and it was surprisingly his recommendation.

I don't know why I did take it so bad, I think I just reached a limit of pression, frustration, betrays until I actually break. I almost cry. Almost. Of course it didn't last now I am better and strangly I feel... nothing, an emotional void.

*readjucts her glasses to see better*

That was yesterday and shall be forgotten in an obscure part of my mind.

Now to today's news:

I am engaged.

Yes, within a year I shall marry someone of my choice, I still have to choose the lucky one. I just came back from the Queen social gatherings of suitors and lords Islands, Greenwood and Stirling asound like decent candidates. I am not in love with any of them of course, but these are politics no personal feelings involved and after yesterday I couldn't care less about what I feel. Love is for fools and weaks and I don't want to be either.

	vampire_alucard 2003-10-01 00:11 (link)
	*smirks and laughs to himself* Engaged for political matters...that's familiar to me.But that's more then a foolish act... *makes a serious face expression and appears in Integra's office* Today morning I wanted to talk to you. I'll kill you Varney for that. (Reply to this) (Thread)

	dame_integra 2003-10-01 00:31 (link)
	Oh? *looks at him sharply* I was drained and tired of talk to you Alucard. Speak fast I have a date in an hour. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	vampire_alucard 2003-10-01 00:32 (link)
	I shall rather not tell her what I feel,afterall she is engaged and has a date in an hour..heh,an date *bows respectfully* It's nothing,apology my mistake. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	dame_integra 2003-10-01 00:34 (link)
	*looks rather dissapointed* Very well Alucard. You may leave my presence. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	vampire_alucard 2003-10-01 00:36 (link)
	*nods slightly and stands up.He already slightly turns around to walk away,but he breaks the ice* Do you mortals care for feelings althought you think they make you weak? *looks at Integra* (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	dame_integra 2003-10-01 00:40 (link)
	*looks distant* I suppose most do. I don't think I care anymore. *shrugs* I don't know why you ask such questions. Since you lost your ability to love. *starts reading some cataloge about protestant temples* (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

vampire_alucard 2003-10-01 00:43 (link)

I can't believe that Varney was wrong... *smirks when he looks down,hardly believing of his next act* Someone tolled me,that even an unloving moster like me,can love someone again.Maybe my words were wrong at that moment,and I'm deeply sorry for taking so long to see. I hope that none of my acts,pushed you to your engagedment. *looks at Integra* And before I leave,I would like to say....that you are the only female after my first wife,for which I feel more then amusment and teasing. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	dame_integra 2003-10-01 00:48 (link)
	*looks at him tired* Apologize accepted. I am honored, as your Master I do deserve some respect as well. *reads a file* Before you go, there's some rumored ghoul movement in airports. ((OOC: She's tired and the words didn't sink in yet)) (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	vampire_alucard 2003-10-01 00:51 (link)
	Happeness me right...she has alright to ignore me. Well,sometimes It's better to hear to what the person is talking to you.Althought it may be an undead,it deserves a second chance. *turns around with no hope* So,some ghouls huh? *founds no amusment in this* I shall make them dissapear... ((OOC: And he is hurt ;_; )) (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	dame_integra 2003-10-01 00:53 (link)
	*punchs the desk with her fist* Second chance?! I just don't know what to do with Alucard! I am just really tired to feel confused. *ponders his words* What you said before, you surely are... jesting? ((OOC: Serves him right, he hurts her yesterday and the whole week)) (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

vampire_alucard 2003-10-01 00:56 (link)

((OOC: What does jesting mean? *pokes Alucard* It is not his fault ;_; )) *walks outside the Hellsing HQ,killing slowly one ghoul after another* You know,dear ghouls..*shots one's head off* You should tell your annoying master. *shoots another one* That you are getting pretty annoying around here. *stands up and walks as he shouts all the ghouls dead* You pathetic beings. *looks around* Noone left. seems like my mission is done. *slowly turns around and walks to the mansion* (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	dame_integra 2003-10-01 00:59 (link)
	((OOC: Jest is formal term from joke, more brittish :D. Joking)). *changing herself into a dark blue pansuit for suggestion of the Queen* What are you going to do Integra? *looks at the mirror tiredly* In times like this... I think I would have been better uncle Richard killed me (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	vampire_alucard 2003-10-01 01:01 (link)
	*walks behind her,but because she is looking in the mirror she can't see him* I was not joking before. *has a respectfull distant infront of Integra* I just wanted to say that...and the mission is done. The pitifull ghouls... (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	dame_integra 2003-10-01 01:03 (link)
	*looks at him* So now you tell me?! Some bloody timing Alucard... *puts hand on her forehead and gazes at the hour* I need to go now... or I will be late (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	vampire_alucard 2003-10-01 01:06 (link)
	*puts one hand to the left,stopping Integra from walking away* You are afraid of the meeting...aren't you? *looks at her and slowly moves his hand away* I've known many people and vampires who lost their beloved ones,because they were silent. *bows to Integra* I have one question; are you ready to marry someone out of polical matter? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	dame_integra 2003-10-01 01:08 (link)
	*stops* You know I have no choice... I must obey the Queen's commands... *sighs* Let me ask you something... how exactly serious is the no teasing, no amusing feeling of you towards me? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	vampire_alucard 2003-10-01 01:11 (link)
	As true as this... *leans ove and softly kisses you* And as true as the words I spoke out. *looks at Integra* (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	dame_integra 2003-10-01 01:13 (link)
	That's what I feared *closes eyes* I need to see Lord Greenwood now... Don't follow me Alucard *walks away* (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

vampire_alucard 2003-10-01 01:15 (link)

If I've done something wrong again,then I will just that Varney till I let my anger out... *dissapears without any "yes" or "no" or anykind of answer to Integra and waits for her in his cell* Seems like I was right afterall.A mortal can't love a human.Heh,and that foold Varney wanted to teach me about love. *leans on his head and waist for hours,just sitting there.* (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	dame_integra 2003-10-01 01:18 (link)
	*comes down after an hour* I look for you everywhere... Then I realiaze you should be here... *looks down* I cancelled my date with Lord Greenwood... I told him I wasn't interested in him (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	vampire_alucard 2003-10-01 01:20 (link)
	*is quet suprised that she cancellad the date* Don't tell me that Varney knew what he was talking about,when he said that she loves me? *stands up and walks to her.He stops infront of her,lifting her face up* (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	dame_integra 2003-10-01 01:25 (link)
	*slaps his hand away in a playful manner* I can lift my head myself Alucard. There's nothing wrong with my neck... *takes a deep breath* I am interested in someone older that I've known for a long time. Yet I never really quite understood the nature of our relationship. And is not Walter... (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

vampire_alucard 2003-10-01 01:29 (link)

*pushes Integra in a playfully matter softly at the wall and puts one hand by her head* I'm happy to hear that your neck is alright. *smiles at her softly as he looks deeply into her eyes* Is she talking about me...? I can barely gather the courage to ask her that,althought I know that she is thinking me. *leans over closly to Integra* And I've been interested in someone younger then myself,much younger althought I know her for a quet a while now. *smiles at Integra* (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	dame_integra 2003-10-01 01:30 (link)
	*smirks* I knew you and the Queen had something in between! (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	vampire_alucard 2003-10-01 01:30 (link)
	*smirks back at her* And It wasn't the Queen at all. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

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