TakeMeUnder501 (takemeunder501) wrote in cutmeintopieces, @ 2008-11-01 00:49:00

Current mood:

depressed

I think a lot.
Most of the time, I think too much.

I can't let go of things easily at all. They haunt me. They nag at me. They eat away at me.
No one understands.
I don't allow myself to feel the things I need to in order to get past them. How can I expect anyone else to understand what's going on in my fucked up head, when I don't even understand it myself? I can't. They can't. We just can't.
...and I don't know how to stop that.


Today was not a good day - not a good day at all. Today was one of those "thinking way too goddamn much" days.




I caved.
After over 10 months, I fucking caved. It couldn't have been more than 5 minutes that completely erased my previous victory. It was inevitable. It always is. 10 months, 2 years, 4 days, 3 weeks, it doesn't matter - it always comes back. It is, and probably always will be, a part of who I am.

I feel like I'm loosing control of myself all over again and this time, I think I may not ever get it back.

stayhere_love 2008-11-18 21:20 (link)

i kind of get how you feel. the no one understanding because you cant understand deal. i was hospitalized after i attempted suicide last year, and after multiple meetings with my 'team' i still didnt understand what was going on in my head, and they were convinced that i just didnt want to tell them. and let me tell you if its the same thing you are feeling it truely sucks. Its so hard to get people to understand what you dont, and i am still working on it, but i just wanted you to know that i can sort of interpret how you feel. I also get the 'thinking to much' thing. I do that a lot. some days i get all philosophical and start talking about theories and shit, and then others i just over analyze every one and everything around me. i'm right there with you on that one too. if you ever want to talk my email is jc91691@aol.com. i check it twice daily so i get back pretty fast. dont give up on trying to stop. (Reply to this) (Thread)