| Current mood: |  tired |
that old familiar feeling....
i did it
i broke my 3 years and a 4 months
i havent told anyone except my boyfriend
he is not mad a me.. but proud of me?
PROUD?
he says, he is proud of me because i did so well, for so long...
i felt good when he said he was proud because he is right...
but also i feel like shit
a dirty fucking whore fuck face that enjoys burning herself
ive been thinking about the whole slicing and dicing thing
but where would i do it??
it's not like im in high school again and i can hide it with a shit load of bracelets
my mother dear would totally notice if i did somthing like that
the alarm in her head would go off and i would have to show her my wrists or arms
i have a real job and i do things.
you know what i mean...
i dont want a therapist
i dont want more meds
i am tired of this shit i go through
anyone that S.I. is tired
i cant be doing this anymore
i broke in...and i am bad for that
but that pain i first got doing it again and then the numbness
that old familiar feeling ! >.<
i still have time to never do it again.
i can pretend it never happened
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 deludedart
2008-10-24 09:53
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You did amazingly.
I hit about 3.5 yrs without much of anything, then all of a sudden it comes back. But that shouldn't cheapen the major milestone you've reached.
You can pretend it never happened, and there's nothing wrong with that if you want to move forward in your life and deep enough down, you don't want to go back to your old life. I don't know how you're feeling, because everyones trip is different. I got to a crossroads, where I could easily slip back to what I did, and I knew how good/bad that life was. How much control I felt over everything.
But I could also chose to be that bit stronger, and put my life above that control that I felt. Must say though, I haven't actually moved past this crossroad as yet, but I'm fairly sure I know how its going to go. And it definitely helps having a supportive boyfriend/hubby.
Hope this wasn't too boring, and i didn't mean to talk about myself so much. But again congrats on your milestone, it really is a great and wonderful thing. :D(Reply to this) (Thread) |
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