jaded lost cause (deathtakeme) wrote in cutmeintopieces, @ 2008-05-16 11:28:00

Hey,

Im sick of bullshit. Just plain over it. I mean fuck what have i ever actually done to anybody yet people are always treating me like shit and walking all over me. I just dont know what to do anymore. I cant be honest with anyone about how i feel so im back here once again.

Oh and as i was randomly abused by a girl who i thought was a friend she was like oh and and is it true you cut your foot? I mean W T F ? ! ? Its bad enough theyre spreading rumours about me but that? Every single group i pick to be my friends ends up fucked up. I think im going to give up trying to be social and just go with the flow, you know be my own person and all that shit.

My friend, well more of an aquantence hung herself a month ago and i dont really know why but i really upset me. I just guess it hit close to home ya know. And its all i can think about, i visit her bebo page everytime im online and listen to the song whe requested every single day. I just keep thinking about it more and more and more. I mean what if she made a mistake and what if there is nothing after this, just nothing. What about her baby girl. What about everything, the sky, trees, snow? I mean what if its just nothing but black? But then what if its not. There must have been a reason to want something else so bad. I mean fuck we all think about it. But i dont want to be forgotten, like what if there is NOTHING after this, and then eveything else you've done is forgotten and the only thing showing that you were ever like anything at all is a plaque in the cemetery and a body in the ground? I just cant let it go ever. My boyfriend said i was obsessed, and maybe i am but i just cant let it go. I mean her friends obviously cant live without her and she thought she had nothing going for her. I dont even have friends and im still here. Maybe someones trying to tell me something. That i should just fuck off and never come back.

Fuck im so confused and wish i just had someone to talk to and answer my questions but no im all alone with no one to save me now.

mycrazylife101 2008-05-16 09:41 (link)

You have good reason to be upset about your friend. There is nothing wrong with grieving. It's actually a good thing. You need to get your feelings out. It's no use bottling them up inside. And there is nothing wrong with having any emotion i.e. anger, sadness, grief, frustration... It's sad that you have no one to talk to because if nothing else talking can help immensely. Don't go the way your friend did. It hurts those around you more than anything else. Just know that even though it may seem like everything is a mess right now but someday things will change. I know that's hard to believe but it's true. (Reply to this) (Thread)

iensjj 2008-05-23 19:17 (link)

She said basically exactly what I wanted to say to you. Don't keep everything inside. Its good to get things out of your system. Believe me there are people that care about you...It might not feel that way but there are. look at your friend, she left her friends behind that defenately did care about her, still she seemed to feel like she was alone...Don't give up on friendship either....I mean you do needa be yourself and all, but some day you will find people that care about you just for who you are :) It took me a long time to find a friend that took me for who I was as well! take care... (Reply to this) (Thread)

Thanks deathtakeme 2008-05-25 22:17 (link)

Thanks guys. It helps to know people actually care enough to read what spills out. I wouldnt keep things bottled up if i had someone to talk to, but then again, anyone i talk to about this kind of stuff is instantly going to be put off me. I actually met a girl on the weekend who is very spiritualand was told by a psychic just a few days before that she was going to meet a small girl whose name started with a (which matches me) who she needs to look after. So shes determined to look after me, and shes the kinda girl that sees right through people, so hopefully she'll help me out with everything (Reply to this) (Thread)

(Reply from suspended user)

	long2008y 2009-09-07 12:15 (link)
	Here we are Abercrombie & Fitch Clothing retailer,sell a lot of abercrombie clothing, there may be many products suitable for you.welcome for you to come! http://www.beautyaf.com/ http://www.bapezone.com (Reply to this) (Thread)